The Grand Ole Party, as of May 3, 2016, was taken off of life support and laid to rest. Donald Trump took a shotgun (which he once campaigned very heavily to be banned) and took the dying GOP behind the proverbial shed and blasted into it, all the while live tweeting about it.
I don't think I'm being descriptive enough. Donald J. Trump flew his X-Wing Fighter into the GOP's proverbial Death Star and shot twin Ion torpedoes right into its thermal exhaust port, carelessly blowing it into smithereens, leaving behind a trail of broken promises and hair product. So begins my eulogy that will examine the highs and lows of the Republican Party as we once knew it, slayed at the (tiny?) hands of Mr. Donald John Trump.
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It won't be easy. Losing something that's been with you for a long time never will be easy, and I'm almost certain that tears will most definitely be shed. So get your Kleenex, turn off the Netflix for right now for a quick moment of silence and remembrance of the party which once hailed Dwight D. Eisenhower, Ronald Reagan and Abraham Lincoln, but now hails billionaire tycoon Donald Trump, Sarah Palin and Mike Huckabee.
So how exactly did the once tolerated GOP turn into the fear mongering party it is today where debates are spent making penis jokes and calling grown men "Little Rubio" and "Lying Ted"? Most would wag a finger at Donald Trump. However, I see you Donald Trump and I raise to you, a word I just came up with right now, "Foxers." It has a sort of nice ring to it, almost like a failed version of "The Fantastic Mr. Fox." Anyway, the fear mongering "They're coming to take my guns!" did not come from Trump. Heck, Trump pushed for banning all weapons. It came from the people who turned their TVs every night to Fox News to watch such "fair and balanced" anchors known as Glenn Beck who once joked about killing Michael Moore (#prolife baby!), Bill O'Reilly, who is everybody's drunk grandfather at Thanksgiving who just wants to talk about politics, and Sean Hannity, who after 10:30 at night should not be allowed on Twitter for the good of mankind.
Two of these three men have shamelessly endorsed Trump, though in no small part to Fox News' media coverage on Trump, trumping all other news stories. Glenn Beck, however, who has probably created about 75% of Trump fans with his constant dogging of Obama over his birth certificate is now a heavy #NeverTrump supporter. He endorses Lying Ted, who is better than Trump, but in a "Venom is better than Green Goblin" way. Both are insane, but at least Venom teamed up with Spider-Man at times. The only other person strongly against Trump on Fox News? Megyn Kelly, whom Trump seems more focused on than his real wife, which is a little creepy. Fox News will soon get rid of her.
So now that we know who created Trump, why is Trump so bad? I'm glad you asked, faithful reader, even though it's a pretty simple answer. A party which once worked with Democrats, (Reagan pardoning immigrants, Nixon creating the EPA, Eisenhower expanding highways and Herbert Hoover creating government programs) is now a party where if you went to the nominee's rallies, if you can get past the protesters, there is water throwing (It's Rubio!), child molesting comments which were aimed at Ben Carson (who is now apparently a big fan of Trump), hostages being held (Just look at poor Chris Christie! He realizes he'll never be vice president now with Carson at the helm) and don't forget the "Foxers" with their "Thank you Jesus for Mr. Trump" signs. I want unity again as a country. Not a "me versus them" mentality, not a red versus blue mentality... I want an American mentality. Helping one another out and working with one another. You may disagree with someone's ideology, but that does not necessarily make that person a bad guy. However, I make an exception. I think Trump is a bad guy. I see your "Lying Ted" and I raise you "Deceiving Donald."
Things Trump has said or done to rip the GOP completely off life support:
1. "There was blood coming out of her... whatever."
Referring to Megyn Kelly's uh... yeah. That one's pretty self-explanatory. I always picture Trump chuckling over this comment while the golfer from "Happy Gilmore" is just shaking his head, mouth wide open.
2. "BUILD THE WALL!"
No phrase has been uttered more by skew boys, frat boys and Ted Nugent himself than this. Trump once said when crowds start getting glassy eyed during his rallies he just yells about building a wall and people wake back up. Has Trump really given any feasible evidence to how this will be accomplished? He doesn't have to, because "He just tells it like it is."
3. "I love uneducated people."
Or something along those lines.
4. Trump's unflattering picture of Heidi Cruz on his Twitter. Even though he claims to respect women more than anyone else in the party, he has also derided them more than anyone else in this party, leading millions of women to not vote for Trump because he is simply sexist.
5. Here is the classic "I like the people who weren't captured."
Well, it's okay because, "McCain is establishment," yell the Foxers. What if Hillary had said that? Fox News would have a field day.
Many people, including me, would rather vote for Pedro than for Donald Trump. I am a Republican, but Trump not only does not represent my beliefs, he does not represent the party's beliefs. If we ignore the fact that Trump was a Democrat most of his life alongside former buddy Hillary Clinton and pretty much everything that makes him a liar, then at his core he is a physical incarnation of fearful conservatives who for years listened to Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin and "tells it like it is." Well, so does a 3-year-old, but are we gonna elect a 3-year-old because he speaks his mind?
If my options were my 3-year-old baby brother or Trump, I'd be hard-pressed not to pick my brother. He's at least nicer. The GOP who once nominated great senators and governors such as McCain, Romney and Bush (he looks like the second coming compared to Trump) now has Trump, a man who has turned the party into a reality show, exiling common sense conservatives, a lot of Evangelical conservatives, women, Hispanics and many others. Trump simply will not win because there are still good people out there. If you vote Trump, I got one word for you: sad.
