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To The Guy I Never Want To Be With Again

Maybe one day it will be you, coming back again, but I won't be upset if it isn't.

Britt Dorman

Jun 13, 2017

Robert Morris University

To The Guy I Never Want To Be With Again

jdovegreen

“If it's meant to be, it will be”

I used to always say that each time you left me, each time I found myself thinking about you, each time I needed that reassurance. The further you got, the more I’d say it. I watched it happen, again and again, each time right as I was ready to give up you were right back at my door asking for another chance. You always knew how to get me. You were great at that.

I used to think you were perfect. The kind of perfect you can only imagine. You were the only thing I wanted, time and time again. I used to not be able to drive past your house without all the memories and heartache eating me alive, but today I did it and felt nothing. It was such an incredible moment. A moment I’ve been waiting for, for so long. It took me a while but the idea of missing you faded away.

Back then, I could've been desperate, or caught in a trance by you. Up until recently, I would beat myself up over you. Crying myself to sleep because I wasn't like your new girl, I felt like I wasn't enough for you. I hated who I was. The truth is though, I don't want to be like your new girl.

I'm a pretty great girl who was put here to find my own voice and be my own person. I am good enough and nothing you can say will ever change that. I’m starting to really love everything about me, especially all of the things you didn't like.

You hate that I write now, but I love it. Just because you won't listen, doesn't mean the rest of the world won't. I do this for me, not for you or anyone else. You left me confused, you left questions unanswered, and it caused me to overthink. I now compare every person I talk to to you and it's so unhealthy. But at least on the bright side, when guys treat me in the same ways you treated me, I know to go away. I know I didn't deserve that, you claimed I didn't either.

But yet, you still did it.

Commitment is a scary thing. I know, but knowing what I do now, I'm happy with where I am. I don't think of you when I think about fate. If it's meant to be, it will be, but not for us. You used to be the guy I wanted more than anyone else, but now you're the guy I never want again.

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To The Guy I Never Want To Be With Again

Maybe one day it will be you, coming back again, but I won't be upset if it isn't.

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!