“If it's meant to be, it will be”

I used to always say that each time you left me, each time I found myself thinking about you, each time I needed that reassurance. The further you got, the more I’d say it. I watched it happen, again and again, each time right as I was ready to give up you were right back at my door asking for another chance. You always knew how to get me. You were great at that.

I used to think you were perfect. The kind of perfect you can only imagine. You were the only thing I wanted, time and time again. I used to not be able to drive past your house without all the memories and heartache eating me alive, but today I did it and felt nothing. It was such an incredible moment. A moment I’ve been waiting for, for so long. It took me a while but the idea of missing you faded away.

Back then, I could've been desperate, or caught in a trance by you. Up until recently, I would beat myself up over you. Crying myself to sleep because I wasn't like your new girl, I felt like I wasn't enough for you. I hated who I was. The truth is though, I don't want to be like your new girl.

I'm a pretty great girl who was put here to find my own voice and be my own person. I am good enough and nothing you can say will ever change that. I’m starting to really love everything about me, especially all of the things you didn't like.

You hate that I write now, but I love it. Just because you won't listen, doesn't mean the rest of the world won't. I do this for me, not for you or anyone else. You left me confused, you left questions unanswered, and it caused me to overthink. I now compare every person I talk to to you and it's so unhealthy. But at least on the bright side, when guys treat me in the same ways you treated me, I know to go away. I know I didn't deserve that, you claimed I didn't either.

But yet, you still did it.

Commitment is a scary thing. I know, but knowing what I do now, I'm happy with where I am. I don't think of you when I think about fate. If it's meant to be, it will be, but not for us. You used to be the guy I wanted more than anyone else, but now you're the guy I never want again.