Like a good book, all things must come to an end and we've finally reached our last page.

Dear Mr. Sadist,

I have finally been pushed too far, received the last punch, hit the last wall, and forgiven for the last time.

I have stuck by your side through “I love you” and “We’re just friends”, I let you in and mentally abuse me every step of the way. Now I know you’re probably protesting over that last line, scuffing at it with the claim that you never forced me to stick around. Chalking it up to me being dramatic and crazy when the truth is I'm not. So go ahead and try to turn this on me.

I took your sadistic mental games as a right of passage, hoping that if you saw I could take it you’d allow me to get closer to you and give me what I really wanted. It became so frequent I thought it was just a part of you, I prayed that it was just a coping mechanism for you before you shed your tough exterior and let me see your emotional vulnerability that I’ve always known was there. I thought you up in my head, that you had matured over the years and became the man I wanted and needed you to be. Things happened so quickly, like we never drifted apart, you touched my skin so gentle like the boy I once knew so well, you let me fall back in love with those blue eyes as if I never fell out of love with them. And suddenly I was a masochist for you.

Over the last year we have been on an emotional roller coaster. Falling outs and making ups, almost relationships and complete animosity. I let you continue your indecisive games, talking to you nonstop with encrypted meanings while you ran off with some other girl every few months and I tried to preoccupy myself with old flings. I told myself repeatedly that you were the one I needed and that I couldn’t do better because no one made my heart flutter the way you did. No one made my cheeks burn red, or made the laughter spill out of me, or made me feel weak at the knees the way you did. I watched everything I said and instantly apologized for every indiscretion thinking it would influence your opinion on a potential future between us.

You put in such an effort to make thing seem like they were going to work out. You talked to me almost every day, made the time to see me when you could, sending me music to listen to and claiming me behind closed doors. You showed up to a surprise party for my twenty-first birthday knowing everyone there didn't really approve of you considering the past falling outs we've had. You promised me future plans of city trips to see the Christmas tree and told me you'd teach me to ice skate before that so we could skate at Rockefeller Center. Just for you to turn around and disappear a month later with no warning. And once again I was left completely confused and embarrassed on what I did to deserve this. And that answer is nothing.

But thank you, Mr. Sadist.

You see, all you did was prove to me that I have been giving so much of myself to the wrong person. And you know what? I cando better than you and I will when the right man comes my way. He’ll be lucky to have someone like me in his life and he will never treat me like you did. And I damn sure don't need you. Those feeling you gave me were symptoms of first love that relapsed when the virus came back. I don't deserve to be used like your personal masochistic plaything, only given attention when you need it.

Yours truly,

The best girl you could ever have.