Have you ever lived in a moment where you just want to stop and soak in everything - take mental pictures to save for later - because you realize how much it is going to hurt like hell when you have to let it go? There were many moments in 2016 where I looked at something, or someone, and thought to myself, “This is what I want for the rest of my life.” Still, there were moments that I thought the complete opposite.
It is crazy to me how sometimes the source of both your happiness and sadness can be the same thing. For me, 2016 was one example of this.
I’ve learned that some of the greatest moments of our lives come from the most heart-wrenching sadnesses, and vice versa. This year I had to say the hardest goodbye to my best friends of 18 years as we threw our caps in the air and headed our own ways. Yet, there is no sweeter feeling than a warm smile and a tight embrace from a friend you haven’t seen since that day. For the first time ever, I’ve experienced what it is like to have one of the people you hold closest to you go into the military - checking the mailbox every day looking for a letter, the late-night facetimes that go on for hours even when you have nothing left to say, and the first hug you get when they finally come home. It’s 2 AM and you’re standing outside your house in your pajamas, not even caring how snowy or cold it is because you’ve waited 6 months for a small moment like that. I’ve had to endure the passing of loved ones, person and pet - but after an experience like that you feel incredibly blessed to have had someone so important in your life that the world is truly not the same without them. That feeling also makes you hug the people you love a little longer, and tell them you love them a little more often than you did before.
In 2016, I traveled to the other side of the world and got to live the life of somebody else. I got to feel like a princess for a night at my senior prom, where I danced, laughed and didn’t care what a fool I was making of myself because I was happy. I went to numerous concerts where I lost my voice from screaming the lyrics to songs that have touched my heart in one way or another. I drove to the ocean at 3 AM to watch the sunrise with my best friend, and it was with that same friend that I chased after the perfect waterfalls to swim in. I had the summer of my life where I did things outside of my comfort zone that I never believed I would do, and I grew because of it.
If this year taught me anything, it was that this life is just too goddamn short. It’s too short to sit in your room all day when there are best friends to see and memories to make. It’s too short to not get seconds, or thirds of some of the best food you’ve ever tasted just because you are watching your weight. It’s also too short to sit on the shore when there is an entire ocean waiting for you to get lost in. It’s too short to stay sad over the person who broke your heart, and it’s definitely too short to not just kiss the person who makes you happy.
I lost a lot of people that I thought I was going to have in my life forever, but I also gained so many new friendships that are so meaningful to me that I don’t even remember what life was like before them. I fell in and out of love, and had some of the most brutal heartbreaks of my life, but I loved somebody in ways that I didn’t know I was capable of, or knew that I could even handle.
I suffered greatly this year in so many forms, but I believe that I became a better person because of it. I pushed myself to new limits and through the blood, sweat, and tears, I saw new horizons. A stronger layer grew back after every wound, but from the love and support of others I remained soft and humble. I am brand new, and somewhere in all of the wear and tear of everything that happened between January and December of 2016, I became the very best version of myself.
2016, you broke my heart. But at other times, you healed it. I cried because of you. I was hurt because of you. I was cold, and lost, and distant because of you, but I learned because of you. I am ready to say goodbye to all the sadness you brought me, but I want to say thank you for all the happy, loving, fun times you brought me as well. I’m ready for some more.
