"Why don't you wear clothes made for your own gender?"
"You'd have more friends if you spent your free time interacting with your classmates instead of reading."
"Girls play with Barbies and like to dress up, not play in the woods with G.I. Joe dolls."
"Wow. You're pretty good on the guitar... for a girl."
"You're soooo skinny. You need to eat more."
"I wish you would wear dresses and more girly clothes."
"I can't even look at you." (After I began stretching my ears).
"Wow. You've gained weight."
"It's not as bad as it looks in pictures." (Regarding my septum piercing.)
"Don't pierce your septum and dye your hair. You'll look like some pop-punk whore."
"You shouldn't get a forearm tattoo because I think that forearm tattoos are incredibly unattractive...only on women though."
I could honestly fill an entire book with all of the rude and judgmental things that have been uttered in my direction during my 21 years of life, but those are just a few that have either been reoccurring or have just stuck with me through the years. Thankfully I have tough skin. Maybe its because I've always a little headstrong, always looking to prove others wrong. Maybe it's because I'm wise beyond my years (or so I've been told.) Or maybe it's because I've always had parents who have always loved and supported me no matter my beliefs, my appearance, how I dressed or my hobbies.
No matter the reason, I have never been one to let other's opinions of me sink in my skin. The same statement, however, is not true for other members of my family, my friends, my peers and my colleagues. I have watched people I love struggle with eating disorders after being told that their body "just isn't good enough" time and time again until they started believing that it was true. I've seen strong, capable women halt the pursuit of their dreams and passions because an authority figure (parent, teacher, relative, mentor) said that it was a waste of time and they'd never make money. I've witnessed friends stay in abusive and toxic relationships because they did not believe that they are whole.
Why do we feel the need to judge others? No one wakes up in the morning, jumps out of bed, and declares to the world, "Man, I can't wait to see what judgement I'll face today!"
But Alex, I'm just expressing my opinion.
No. No you aren't. I'm a firm believer in expressing your opinion. In fact, if you knew me, you'd know that I express my opinion all the time. However, there is a line between expressing your opinion and being judgmental. An opinion is, "I don't like apples." Fine, you don't like apples. A judgement is "I can't believe you like red delicious apples. They are the grossest thing in the world." See the difference there? We think it's OK to make these hurtful statements towards others because they are under the facade of "just expressing my opinion."
It's alright to have an opinion, but when it's directed towards a person or group of people, it becomes a judgement. The old saying goes "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can definitely hurt.
You can either use your words to build someone up, or you can use them to tear someone down. I don't know about you, but personally, I would rather spend my time and energy embracing and celebrating others for their differences instead of isolating myself for being judgmental.
I realize that my beliefs are different than a lot of the people that I interact with. Does that mean that I try to make everyone live according to my rules? No. I realize that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, just as I am entitled to mine. I'm not going to judge someone on how they live their life because 1.) It's not my place to judge, and 2.) I wouldn't want to be judged.
