I just want you to know that I love you with all of my heart, and this is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I can't do this anymore. I've been through hell and back with you, and it all seems to mean nothing to you.
Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator
I don't open up to anyone, and you knew me better than I knew myself. You know that trust doesn't come easy to me and that I don't easily do second chances. But what's funny is that I gave you a second chance. I told you that you hurt me worse than anything, I told you that I felt that you were picking your boyfriend over me, and that I wasn't a big fan of him but that I would even give him a chance for you. And then you went right back to picking him over me. We were supposed to hang out, and instead you picked him. And I understand, but how many more times am I going to have to understand? I've always been there for you, and honestly, I've never felt more alone than I do right now.
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone." – Robin Williams
We had so many plans together, and so easily you threw them all away for one guy. Our road trip: You bailed him out using every penny you had. You say he'll pay you back, but he can't pay his tickets, so how can he pay you back? And if he is paying you back then good. It's still the fact that you chose him. Moving in with me: You told me you couldn't go with me now just because of the simple fact that you were with him. That's ridiculous.
But if you want him so much, you can have him. I hope he makes you happy.
I hope that he watches "Supernatural" with you and obsesses over hot guys. I hope he obsesses over old cars and plays the alphabet game with you. I hope he sits up late with you, in the pitch black, and has deep talks about everything you can imagine, having no idea how you even got on the topic. I hope he shows you new songs, ones you never thought you would listen to. I hope that he makes you think new things, things you never thought you would ever think. I hope you have “your song" or even songs, songs that when they come on, you can't help but turn up as loud as you possibly can stand it, screaming the lyrics, not caring if you're in tune or if anyone hears. I hope he makes you laugh. I hope he makes you laugh so hard that you snort, so hard that your stomach hurts. I hope that he shows you ridiculous YouTube videos that seem so pointless to you, but somehow manage to make you roll your eyes and smile. I hope he keeps all his promises, and when you've had a bad day, brings you a Sprite with no ice. I hope he learns all the little things about you, like your dream date, your favorite food, your dream car, and your dream house. I hope he supports you unconditionally and loves you no matter what you do.
But most of all, I hope he's worth losing your best friend over — I hope he's worth every tear that I've cried.
Honestly, all of this makes me seem pretty heartless, and trust me, while I am writing this, my heart is aching with every word I write. It's a kind of heartache you feel in your bones. The hardest thing I will ever do is walk away still loving you. But I read a quote once that said, “One of the most courageous decisions you will ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul." And that's what I have to do now, and if that makes me heartless, I'm sorry. I just can't pretend that it's all OK.
It's not OK.
I'm not OK.
We're not OK.
Your happiness is all I wish in life.
And I know that this may hurt for a while, but at least you have your boyfriend to comfort you. I know you can make it through this. You are so strong. Just take deep breaths and listen to “She Will Be Loved" as loud as you can. Always seems to work for me.
See ya around,
Your Ex-Best Friend
