We all know parents have opinions, and a lot of them. The dynamic of their thoughts on your life decisions often finds this delicate balance between the “good,” understanding parent, and the “bad,” tough parent.

In the moment, the parent who is empathetic toward your current situation is usually the one you find yourself running to for comfort, because you know you cannot seek consolation in the parent who—for some odd, inexplicable reason—has freezer burn around his or her heart. “You created me, I exist because of you, I am a piece of you,” you may think to yourself in frustration when the person who is supposed to dish out unconditional love for you is ultimately making you feel worse about yourself.

This dynamic that your parents dance around is not all that new. In fact, it found its fame in the world of law enforcement. I think of it like “good cop, bad cop.” Both cops are on the same team. They’re end goal is the same but their approach is opposite. Their methods feed off of each other and create a certain invisible harmony that almost always gets the job done.

If life is all about finding your balance, than this situation is no different. If both cops offered a sympathetic hand, the suspect would never give up what he or she may be hiding. In the same way, if both cops threw daggers in their words as they spit them, the suspect would feel completely misunderstood and attacked. This anger and resentment would barricade the truth from coming out. As a result, the cops would not achieve their goal.

Your parents are cops. Not in the physical sense, —well, maybe for some—but in the metaphorical sense. In any case, your parents must dance delicately around the fine line that separates the good cop and the bad cop. The good parent will send solace in their words and warm embrace as you pour your problems out before them. This parent will reassure you that you are worthy, that this is a bump in a very long road for you, and that this momentarily turbulent stage in your life will be but a memory. This parent you will wipe your glasses so you can see the inkling of light pouring in at the end of the tunnel. You’ll feel the walls open up a bit and your chest will relieve some of the weight that it has been lugging around.

But then, you’ll speak to the bad parent. The one that tells it like it is. The parent that coats his or her words in salt instead of sugar. Those words will sting. Oh man, will they burn. You will suddenly fill your lungs with rage and fury and all of that stress that seemed to have dissipated in the arms of the good parent will come barricading back so quickly that you will have no choice but to totally succumbed to its wrath.

And after this dance, you will find your answer. You will feel strong with the help of your good parent, and determined with the help of the bad one.

The moral of the story is, you need to hear those harsh words, but you also need to feel you have a parent to turn to when the prick of those salty words incinerate your mental wound. If your parents didn’t find this vital balance between compassion and tough love, you’d be lost among either extreme. The empathy that the good parent offers you gives you a cushion to rest on while the harsh honesty the bad parent provides will open your eyes to what you need to do from this point on.

At the end of the day, your parents have the same goal. The good and the bad parent are working on the same team and their mission is to help you. They just go about it differently. And if they do it right, their approach will work in such beautiful unison that this sinking mud you have found yourself caught in will dry up. You’ll lift your feet out from under the drying dirt, dust off the filth, and march on. And it will suddenly hit you that neither parent exclusively wins the title of “good parent.” In fact, they’re both outstanding. They are committed to your success and happiness and they are clever in their approach to helping you find it.