It was one of those unplanned adventures that you take every once in a while. Waking up at around 6:30 in the morning; which is very unusual for me considering that I usually wake up at around 9 o’ clock, I made the executive decision to drive to the beautiful city of Naples, Fl. Figured that if I leave the house at 8am I can get there at around 12pm and I’d have the rest of my day by their clear beaches and fancy water front seafood restaurant; taking myself on a date basically. The only problem is that it’s a four-hour drive from where I live (in case you didn’t bother to do the math earlier) and I can’t go without making any preparations what so ever, right? I went to the bathroom, put the window down a bit, and put my headphones on blasting music and began to roll two fat blunts for the trip. Filled the blunts up with some premium Lemon Kush, it was to the point that the bud was sticking out of the Mango flavored White Owl wrap, it looked way too good to actually light up but I just couldn’t wait to spark it. I later opened up my laptop and looked up the rout on how to get there and went on my way.

I was wearing my white button up shirt with blue palm trees on it and a khaki pair of water resistant shorts that double as a pair of swim trunks just in case I felt like actually getting in the water, my John Lennon shades and my khaki colored cap with a single pineapple in the middle, some plain bright white high top socks and Nike slides. Fashion as fuck, I know. After the most dragged on four-hours of my life, I finally got to the city of Naples. I had smoked half a blunt a quarter of the way there so I was happily stoned. I headed to the beach to enjoy and relax myself. I took off my slides and socks and sprinted to the shore looking like a chinky eyed, dark skinned version of “Bay Watch”, that’s when I heard some music playing in the distance. There was I girl sitting by herself at a coffee shop blasting Krewz (underrated up and coming rapper). My stoned out self said “Bet” and I headed over to here direction. I put my glasses on so she won’t see how bad my eyes are and went on by starting a conversation with her. I introduced myself as Francis for whatever reason and we drank some coffee. I somehow convinced her of giving me her Instagram and Snap Chat and to go out to the movies. We smoked the other half of the blunt together and went to see the new Disney movie “Moana”.

On the way to the theaters we started listening to Caroline which I was jamming too hardcore and I was trying to get her loose too so we can both be jamming out (Note: She’s white so she got no rhythm). When she started feeling comfortable and started dancing I wanted to kill myself. She was so off beat it was the worst real life horror flick of my life, I deadass wanted to slap the bitch so she would stop hurting herself, it was that bad. After I finished praying to Jesus to make her stop under my breath we got to the theater. Best theater of my life. The popcorn was nice and buttery, the seats were soft and made out of a plushy leather and the seats also reclined. Unlike any other theater though, in this one you buy seats not just the ticket for the movie so I got the two right in the middle of the third row up. Best seats in the theater hands down. As the movie started I was cracking up jokes making her laugh like crazy. Good thing no one else went to see it that day because we would have gotten kicked out. As the movie went on the jokes kept coming. She started leaning over to my side and I could tell she wanted some of this seasoned Puerto Rican sausage so I knew I was game. Having them panties looking like Niagara Falls I took her back to the car. This is when shit gats real….and really retarded too.

I’m just going skip over the first base because nobody cares about first base and we share another half blunt. I got my hands going places and she got her hands going places. Now, I’m over here giving this chick very clear and obvious hits that I want some head and I can tell that she notices them and that she wants to do something but just won’t. Since she needs some help, I decided to help her out. Now I wanted to whisper to her that she should blow me, nice and simple but me being high, my dumb as said “Suck dis dick” and I put my hand in the back of her head and semi kinda sort off pushed her head down. Slightly. And this bish had the AUDACITY to actually hold back a bit and said “Whahh??”. She kept on doing this about five more time until she finally gave in and gave up the mouth. We then took this to the back seat. Now I will never sex some random chick, but you can bet I will finger blast the soul out this hoe. I looked into her eyes for a while, she touched my hands, I look down then right back at her and say “Them pants….gotta go” I went and yanked them shits off so smooth it was like someone smeared I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter all over them jeans. She screamed out “Francis!!” I was confused because I forgot I told her that was my name and stopped for a sec. Proceeded to use the magic middle finger to finish her off while I messed around with the oversized anime tittie she had and called it a night. Still confused though.

After we finished getting down to business I noticed she was catching feelings. I whispered to myself “I gotta get rid of dis bih” I made up an excuse about the time and me having to see my grandma in the morning and kicked her out of my car. She left and went on my way home with the other half of the blunt all to myself. Moral of the story….Moana is a good ass movie.