A few days ago, I had opened my Facebook to be greeted by a long status update from one of my best friends from high school. Doing as I usually do, I skimmed without the full intention of reading it until I saw the words, “I’ll just come right out and say it, I’m gay.”
I, of course, read the rest of the status and immediately felt an overwhelming sense of support and happiness for my friend. I saw this as a seriously courageous act, and felt inspired to hear more about his decision to come out.
From the various comments and 424 ‘likes’ it was obvious that my friend had a huge amount of supporters and people who were happy that he was truly able to be himself. A few moments after seeing the status update, I received a group message from him saying “Everybody check Facebook." More supportive comments and messages of love came through, proceeding with a text that nonetheless made me chuckle from my friend that read, “Y’all knew this wasn’t news. Don’t act shook” (haha).
As I mentioned before, I began to wonder more about all of this. Whether we realize if or not, our sexuality is a huge factor in our personal identity, which is why it saddens me that the concept of “coming out” can sometimes be seen as such a big deal. I decided to write up a couple of questions for my friend, and asked him if he would feel comfortable if I wrote my next article on the subject matter. Obviously, he agreed and answered my questions. I tried my best not to sound ignorant or nosy, but I figure my questions for him were questions other people may have for their friends going through the same thing. I knew my friend would give good and honest feedback, making him a credible source. These were my questions and his responses:
When did you first start to recognize how you felt?
I've known I was gay for as long as I can remember. From a young age, I just knew I was different from others. I spent a lot of energy trying to hide who I was throughout my childhood and during high school, and over time I felt like it wasn't worth it. I had to tell people.
How long before you were sure about your sexuality?
How long have you known you were straight?
Who did you decide to tell first, and why that specific person?
I decided to tell my closest friends [for privacy purposes, these names will also remain anonymous] because they're the two people in my life I knew I could always count on. If I ever needed anything, I went to them.
How has your family dealt with this?
I came out to my mom last December. After that, I told my sister. And only a couple of days ago did I tell my dad. To my surprise, they all showed nothing but love. Unfortunately, that's not the case for many other people in the LGBT community who have had more difficult coming out experiences. Many people are shown hate from their own family and that's something I will never understand.
And friends?
My friends could blink once after I tell them I'm gay and they'll continue talking about whatever else we were talking about. I literally had a friend say, "Yeah, I know you're gay; are you still trying to go to the gym?"
Can you compare how you felt before officially coming out vs after?
The easiest way to describe how I feel before and after coming out is this: When I would go back to California after moving to Oregon, I felt as though I was putting on this layer of skin to hide who I really am. I felt different, uncomfortable and disappointed that I grew up in a city where I literally had to lie to feel accepted. In Oregon, I feel normal. It only makes me wish I lived here my entire life.
Do you have any advice for people who are in the position you once were?
The only advice I have is to be yourself. Surround yourself with positive people that reflect who you want to be. Get rid of all the malicious people in your life, hold yourself to high standards and live your life.
I was very appreciative of my friend’s time spent to answer these questions. I can only ever observe and empathize with those in the LGBT community. However, I have much respect and admiration for them, and wish that we lived in a world that fully accepted that community, as it should be. But as of now, we need people like my friend to display to the world who they truly are.
