As an only child, it is not uncommon to consider your parents your best friends -- in my case, this was undoubtedly my mom. And so, when the time came senior year to decide where I wanted to spend the next four years of my life, it was not surprising to find my mother become increasingly overwhelmed by the reality of me leaving the nest and going off to college. I myself was frightened by the thought of being away from home, but clearly not to the degree that my mother was experiencing. Life for me always seemed to include my parents, and so this idea of being away at college all by myself was very uncomfortable to think about.
When it was finally orientation week and time to say “see you later” to my parents, reality had hit me like a bus. As I watched my parents’ car drive away, I could feel the bittersweet moment of independence growing. Now, let me make myself clear, I am by no means saying that since I was a “free woman,” it was time for me to go wild and crazy and make a name for myself (in an unconventional way) on campus. No, instead I am saying that college would give me the opportunity to grow as an individual, to explore who I am, who I want to become. My parents already helped establish the foundation of who I am today and, might I add, they did one hell of a job, but now it was my time to figure out who I am and what I wanted to do with my life. This reality of being independent was a powerful feeling.
For a lot of students, escaping the watchful eye of parents is one of the reasons why they look forward to leaving for college so much; I never wanted to leave my parents, but I knew I needed to. My first week of college was probably the most eye-opening weeks of my life. I was exposed to many things that I was sheltered from at home: alcohol, parties, risky behavior, drugs, etc. It took some time getting used to, but college life eventually became the norm for me. The crazy-unbelievable stories that Uncle Bill spoke of at Thanksgiving dinner about his college years which, at the time, seemed way too absurd to be real, became believable and even more so boring now that I myself had stories that would put his to shame!
My dad always tells me that the most an individual will grow is in their first year of college. For me, I think I grew the most during orientation week— week one. When school finally started and it was time for me to buckle down on my studies. It was weird not having a parent check up on me every so often to make sure I wasn’t wasting time on Twitter or Instagram. “Independence.” It also took some time adjusting to the fact that I didn’t have someone telling me when to go to bed or when to put the electronics away at night. Most nights if I wasn’t too tired, I’d chill with friends in my dorm’s lounge at one in the morning instead of sleeping. Why? Because I could, and because I wanted to. “Independence.” However, despite the distance between my parents and myself, I still made time to call my mother every day. In the beginning, the conversations were relatively long, easily lasting 15 plus minutes. However, as the weeks went on, conversations became shorter and almost script-like. And while my mom answered each call with the same level of enthusiasm and interest in my life, as a college student I quickly found myself becoming annoyed and forcing myself through each conversation. So, being now that it’s winter break and I am home for the holidays, it’s come to no surprise that my parents have confronted me with the fact that I seemed to have changed. Changed? That’s a good thing, right? I was finally doing things by myself, “being an adult,” being the confident, independent individual that my parents raised me to be. So why did I interpret “change” as a bad thing?
It wasn’t until I finally got home and saw how clean and organized the house was, that I became aware of how different my parents’ lives had become since I’d left for school. That’s when I realized I had maybe grown up a little too fast for my parents to keep up. I was their only child. Although I’m sure my dog was loving the one-on-one attention, not having me around all the time was probably one of the hardest things my parents has ever had to deal with, especially for my mom. And even though I made time to call every day, I definitely wasn’t calling with the utmost enthusiasm. In fact, after a while I felt that taking 10 minutes out of my day was an inconvenience. I was changing into the typical college student; the student who wants nothing to do with their parents and wants to live their own life the way they want to. A life that clearly doesn’t include parents. “Independence.”
Now that was a reality check.
Reflecting back on my first quarter of college, it is quite obvious that my transition of moving away from home was a lot easier for me than it was for my parents. It’s been tough for them, and I definitely hadn’t been making it any easier trying to avoid a simple 10 minute phone call to home every day. After everything my parents have done to get me where I am today, they didn’t deserve that. I was becoming selfish. I was forgetting where I came, forgetting that I was my parents’ only child. And as easy as it was for me to accept this new life of independence, my parents were still in the process of adjusting and I had to respect that.
To an only child, the smallest taste of independence can be dangerous. It’s a great feeling being on your own, doing your own thing, not feeling restricted by your parents’ watchful eyes. However, that’s no excuse to forget who you are or where you came from in the process of transitioning to the new independent lifestyle. You are the only child and the only one your parents love unconditionally. There’s no sharing that love with siblings. It’s just you. So, to my fellow only children, take the time to call your parents. Remember that they love you and giving up 10 minutes of your day to talk on the phone means the world to them. Don’t make the mistake of being so caught up in identifying yourself as an independent adult that you forget about the two individuals who are largely credited for helping you become the individual you are today. It’s OK to grow up, but be patient with your parents who may be struggling to accept this reality.
