Waiting has to be one of my least favorite things ever. Since the day I was born, this is something I have struggled with...literally since the day I was born. I had the opportunity to be born on the very first day of the year 1997 but I just couldn't wait, so the last day of 1996 had to suffice. Waiting is the worst.
There have been several occasions where I have found myself waiting...waiting for answers, for people, for opportunities. Waiting for something to change, for something to work, for something to feel right. Waiting for the right guy to come around, for a reason to keep going, for life to fill my seemingly breathless lungs. But of all of the times I have found myself waiting, the hardest times are when I am waiting for answered prayers.
Recently, I found myself in a situation that caused me to wait as I prayed for guidance and clarity, and this was so difficult for me. I am all about making panic decisions and just getting it over with so I can move on and save myself some stress, but this time was different. As I prayed for clarity, for guidance, for strength, and discernment, I felt an assurance that God was worthy of my trust. But even so, I still struggled to fully surrender this decision to Him because I could see that the clock was ticking and a decision had to be made soon. One afternoon, I was waiting in an office before an interview. There was a devotional book on the coffee table in front of me, so I picked it up and skimmed through some pages until I saw a page that caught my eye. The title of the page I landed on was God's Green Light, and as I started to read it, I realized that the green light I was searching for was my own. The book emphasized those times in our lives where we are waiting for answers and doing everything we can humanly to find them until we are pretty much making ourselves sick and as I read I was immediately moved. Not only was I in a situation where I was waiting and praying and worrying and stressing, I was in a moment where I could truly and fully release all of my worry, my anxiety, my impatience on God and wait for His green light. I spend so much time doing everything I possibly can to get the answers I want when I want them because I am impatient and unwilling to sit in the still of the day and simply wait in expectancy. My green light is not in sync with God's; however, in all of my human qualities and my tendency to hold on and not give God full control, He is still willing to meet me where I am and to beckon me towards His perfectly timed green light.
God heard my prayer and He provided for me clarity in my decision-making and I could not be more thankful for the way He guided me and protected me through it all. The way He cares about the things we care about is so intimate and rich and friends, we should take advantage of the love He is pouring over us. Waiting is really difficult, but waiting for God's green light and resisting the temptation to go at our own pace is special. May you be patient in your waiting, humble in your walking, and earnest in your prayer.
Shalom,
Kait
