It wasn't until I shared a testimony with one of my best friends, that I realized that I've experienced my first encounter with God a couple years ago.

It was the week of my 22nd birthday, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by a lot that was going on at the time. So I went to visit her because she knows me all to well and I was in need of venting. At first I thought I was going just to tell her about this guy I had been taking too and how I began falling for him and which I did talk about him but then for some reason I had a flashback of this memory of me during a time when I was going through a lot of pain. So I changed topic and began telling her about it.

Now before I begin, I just want to say I've never shared this with anyone because of the kind of reactions or things some people might say.... But I'm not letting that stop me anymore. Now that I'm older the timing couldn't be better I'm in a great place mentally, spiritually and emotionally. This biblical verse couldn't explain it any better. "God has a reason for allowing things to happen we may never understand his wisdom but we simply have to trust his will" Plams 37:5

Here it goes!

I said you know ever since I've been finding my way back and growing more into my faith and my relationship with God, I have come to find out a lot more about myself. Like, that I am who I am for a reason and that my strong feelings are meant for something. A lot of times I would shut myself out because I felt as if no one understood me or accepted me because I'm too emotional, or because of how passionate, or how anything I would or can say come off top deep for people to handle.. Well it would only break my heart thinking that... some of the reactions I would get effected knowing that because of who I am no one will ever accept me, or love me. I began to break down in tears as I told her, not because it makes me sad but because it took me experiencing the worst of pain to realize that the only acceptance I ever need I had already gained. It was God, that he hasn't allowed that part of me changed because it's my purpose in life. I'm learning to endure it and accept that about myself and to not be ashamed of myself ever again.

Then as I went on I told her about a time when I was only 15 years old, I didn't know where I was trying to get at with what I was about to say until I got to the very end.

The vision in my head was so vividly that I began to get emotional but I tried to fight back the feeling while I could, going back to what I sharing with her about when I was 15, there was a lot going on with my family. See growing up my parents taught us just how important it was to practice our faith, and so we always went to church, we became very involved in the parish, but after a couple years we moved away. That only caused my parents to slip away from the church and from God. We would go to church on Sunday's but it wasn't the same anymore it was at a different church and there was just a lot of problems in my family my father was battling with alcoholism and my mother with her anger, and stress. There was so much going on between them and my siblings and I suffered through it all too. So when I got sick during that time it felt to me as if it was the least of their worries. Although I know it might sound a bit harsh because they are my parents, but that's just how they made me feel. I felt abandoned in my pain. I remember just how much I kept telling my mom I wasn't feeling good at first I thought I was only having a really bad cold until the pain just began to pile up I started having terrible headaches, later I began having nightmares that would keep me up at night, I would spend half that time crying myself to sleep and when that didn't work I would close my eyes and began to cry out to God. In prayer, I would ask him to help me because I was in a lot of pain, to heal me from it because I felt so alone and afraid that.

It all rapidly began to take a toll on me. It effected me mentally, psychically and more then anything emotionally I had fallen deep into depression from it. I couldn't talk my voice was gone I would shiver from the cold chills, I wasn't eating, I would stay in my room all day… it only got continued to get worse. In the nightmares I could see that something bad was going to happen to me and that it would effect my parents most. Every time I would wake up from it I would just cry in desperation. I was young I didn't know how to handle a lot of things or what to make of them, and telling anyone about them wasn't an option because it would only make things worse so I thought. I didn't want to be another reason they got mad or anything of that nature. So I continued to keep quiet but you known it began to shatter my heart..

This sickness went on for weeks, until one night I couldn't take it anymore. I could hardly speak but I ran to my parents bedroom crying my eyes out hysterically and expressing to them that something is really wrong with me, and it can't be just a cold and how afraid I was. My mom then says to me, “try and get some rest I'll take you in to the doctors tomorrow”. So I just walked back to my room and continue to cry because I was finally herd it took me going trough that much pain for her to notice how much it was hurting me. So I was able to rest for a couple hours until I woke up from a nightmare. This time I remembered going to the doctors and hearing terrible news about my health. My mothers reaction shock, and all I did was took her hand and told her that everything was going to be okay, God is watching over me.

Then when we go to the doctors the next day exactly that happens but with more details of course, the doctor then explain I need to go into the emergency room because I had dropped a lot of weight and my white blood count was too high. Moms reaction was just as in the dream and as I sat there trying to fight back the tears from the fear of knowing that in living out my nightmare, I t iced my best not to let it show and I just look over at my mom and I tell her just like in my dream. Then she begins to call home and tells my father what the doctor just said to her. We made our way into the hospital it wasn't far from the doctors office at all. We had to wait a couple hours before they could take us into a room. I remember being so exhausted that I fell asleep on my mothers lap.

I woke up once they told us the room was available, as soon as I got in they started me on IV and I was already in a lot of pain that the pain from the needle made me cringe even more. I ended up in the hospital for about a week I didn't have a very good diagnosis as to what I was battling with I just remember having severe case of strep throat that I was going to need surgery, and the second day I was there my entire family came to see me and show their support and bearing gift to get well soon. It was nice of them to have come although the occasion wasn't the greatest, but I was happy to have seen them all. Later that same day my mom had left and I was there alone the rest of the night because she had to take care of somethings. So that night was long for me but this night turned out to be most significant to me. During this night, my sadness hit me once more that I got up from my bed and went to stand by the window it was a very long glass window with a very beautiful view, so I stood there and looked out of it for the hospital was on a mountain top. I gazed off into the night sky all I could see was the city lights couldn't help but admiring it. I couldn't help the feeling of feeling as of my existence on this earth was slowly drifting away. I began to pray to God, and I suddenly felt the sense of peace within me and it felt as if it was a sign of hope. Then I stood for a couple more minutes until I felt a cold breeze. I headed back to bed then this old man walks into my room, and looks at me and begins to ask me how I'm doing and we talked for a couple minutes and he could see the weakness and hear the sadness coming out of me, what he did next left me a bit confused at the time after I told him how I felt he came closer, laid his hand on my forehead and began to pray and his last words to me were “have no more fear you will be okay soon just get some rest”, then he just walked away and it was as if he just vanished. I tried to look for him my last day there but he was never seen by anyone. I was kept under observation for the rest of the remaining of the week, I began to heal, that I didn't need surgery. The strep throat was going away too!

Just before I could finish saying that to her is when it hit me, I started crying that she began to cry with me because not only did I realized that it wasn't just an ordinary man, she did too! She looks at me and says Lupe, it was God! I said your right! We just smiled at each other afterwards and continued to cry but happy tears then I was just left in awwww!

He was there for me, he herd my cry, answered my prayers. It was a very powerful moment then as it was when I shared it with her that night. I'm very fortunate to be able to stand here today and say that. I couldn't have shared it with anyone first better than her. This is how I can stand here today and let you how great God is, how he has a reason for everything he puts us through,how he takes care of us through it all. I'm eternally blessed, and it fills my heart with so much joy that without even knowing back then when all hope seemed to have been lost for me, I never lost my faith in him. Even during the most darkest hours of my pain he helped me overcome it all. This only makes me excited for what lies ahead for me. For all that he has planned for me, My mind is at ease knowing that I can just look up the sky and smile because he will be with me every step of the way. I will continue to grow in my faith for he has givin me the strength and courage, I want to live my life Jesus, for he is our savior.

“The lord is my strength and my shield in him my heart trusts” Psalm 28:7