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God, I just don't know.

Still I don't know but, you do and that is okay.

lauren croxson

Sep 20, 2019

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A phrase I have written countless times inside my journals over the past three years : "God, I just don't know."

Saying this, screaming it out as a lay on my bathroom floor sobbing, writing it down and now, sharing it with you has been sobering. It is sobering to allow myself to be vulnerable and really feel the emotion behind this. Speaking this is me being real with God and telling Him where I am in this Season with Him. I am in the waiting, in the pain, and in the suffering. I simply am just in the "I don't know."

I don't know how to heal.

I don't know how to trust Him.

I don't know what He is doing.

I don't know what He wants me to do.

I don't know what He is trying to teach me.

I don't know what my life is going to look like after this season of "I don't know."

BUT HERE IS WHAT I DO KNOW-

I know that His promises in the Bible are still true and they always will be.

I know that He loves me with His whole entire being and would run to the Cross over and over again for me.

I know that His plans are working for my good, and not to harm me.

I know that He knows what to do, and that He just wants me to trust Him.

STILL, I DON'T KNOW BUT HE DOES AND THAT IS OKAY.

Even when I don't know, God, I will run to You.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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God, I just don't know.

Still I don't know but, you do and that is okay.

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You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

27. When you get assigned the most incompetent group of people possible for a group project.

28. I need a comfort dog so I can avoid all life and school responsibilities.

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

Who isn't stressing out over finals right now?

'tis the season to be jolly!

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