This March will mark eight long months of grieving since my dad's passing from cancer. It shook my world and changed my life, forever. However, it is something that I do not talk about near as much as I should and not for personal reasons, either.
In moments, I do not understand why God chose this whole experience for me. I do not understand why God does not just "fix" it. The pain. The heartache. The memories. The flashbacks. The smiles. The pity. My relationships. My future. Everything.
I can not help but think, "God, since you had to do all of this to me, why can you not at least make it bearable?"
And one day I finally realized that there truly is a reason for this undeserved experience.
There is a reason that when I hear people complaining about the smallest things in their lives, I step back and listen. They did not have to go through this.
There is a reason that on the days that I feel like I can not get out of bed, there is someone who is literally not capable of doing so.
There is a reason that on the days that I feel like every aspect is going wrong in my life, there is someone not nearly as blessed as I am.
There is a reason that when I feel like I have to force a smile in someone's direction, they need to see it.
There is a reason that when I feel like I am being pulled ten thousand directions, there is someone else feeling like no one cares about them.
But more importantly, there is a reason that FAITH is so strong. I can not comprehend how someone could go through a life like mine and not believe in my God. It seems impossible. I have fallen back from my faith several times the past couple of months, and each time I fall on my knees HE is there to catch me and pick me right back up. It is unconditional, unfathomable, and the most powerful performance of mercy.
This is the true experience that I do not deserve, yet am blessed with each and every day. God opened my eyes to the fact that I am fortunate enough to show a testimony for the Lord to every person without saying a word at all...and for that I am thankful.
Romans 8:28 - "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
