I've received feedback more than once, that in my writings here and other places I often include and use language that people don't understand.

While the confusing nature of ever-evolving language isn't entirely intentional on my part, it makes sense and I have no intention of altering my use of language just because some people don't understand. I do, however, want to use this chance to offer people who may not always understand a resource to utilize as a point of growth and understanding.

It is important to note that I am not creating this vocab list in order to limit the ever-expanding definition of who is Queer. Queerness is the antithesis of clear-cut definition, but human beings understand things better with definitions.

I am also not creating this list so that non-queer and non-trans individuals can go around showcasing their newfound vocabulary to everyone. It exists and will continue to exist as a reference point when you are given the chance to talk to someone who does use this language to help identify themselves or others in their community.

Lastly, it is important to remember that we are not gatekeepers, we do not get to determine how someone refers to themselves. Queerness is not an exclusive club that requires an experience fee as cover to get in.

While this list isn't exhaustive and won't cover everything you may hear out in the world hopefully, it encourages you to look up a word or ask someone what they mean when you hear new language instead of calling it stupid. (Because it is soooo 2007 to call things stupid.)

LGBTQ+ Community Language:

These next terms do not always refer to identities but are still used by Queer and Trans people in many contexts.

Family – Colloquial term used to identify other LGBTQQI community members

Family of Choice – Persons or a group of people an individual sees as significant in one’s life. It may include none, all, or some members of their own family of origin. In addition, it may include individuals such as significant others, domestic partners, friends, and/or coworkers.

Folx – a word derived from "Folks", pronounced the same way, that denotes specifically a group composed entirely of Trans individuals, or a group that is majority trans individuals with allies to the trans community as well. It is not meant to be a replacement for the plural of "Folk", but instead

Heteronormativity – The assumption, in individuals or in institutions, that everyone is heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is superior to homosexuality, bisexuality, and other sexual orientations.

HIV-phobia – The irrational fear or hatred of persons living with HIV/AIDS.

Passing –Being read as belonging to an identity to which you do not belong (i.e. a person of mixed racial background being read as white, a gay person being read as heterosexual, or a transitioned transgender person being read as cisgender). This should be used with caution in reference to trans people, because it can misleadingly imply that the trans person does not really belong to their gender but is merely passing as that gender.

Performative Allyship – the act of showcasing publicly a person's allyship to a marginalized community to seem more "woke" or higher up in social justice hierarchies without participating in concrete actions to support and uplift the communities someone is allied to but not apart of.

Queer – 1. An umbrella term which includes lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, trans* people, intersex persons, radical sex communities, and many other sexually transgressive communities. 2. This term is sometimes used as a sexual orientation label or gender identity label used to denote a non-heterosexual or cisgender identity without have to define specifics. 3. A reclaimed word that was formerly used solely as a slur but that has been reclaimed by some folks in the LGBTQ community. Nevertheless, a sizable percentage of people to whom this term might apply still hold ‘queer’to be a hateful insult, and its use by heterosexual people is often considered offensive.

Queerplatonic – Refers to a relationship that has the sort of intensity, closeness, and emotional connection expected of a romantic relationship, but is not romantic. Often abbreviated to QP, with QPR meaning a QP relationship and QPP standing for QP partner. People who are uncomfortable using the term “queer” use quasiplatonic instead to refer to the same type of relationship.

Squish – An intense feeling of platonic attraction and appreciation toward a particular person; the platonic version of a crush.

Stonewall Riots – On June 28th, 1969, New York City Police attempted a routine raid on the Stonewall Inn, a working-class gay and lesbian bar in New York’s Greenwich Village. Unexpectedly, the patrons resisted, and the incident escalated into a riot that continued for several days. Many people attribute this event as the catalyst for the American Gay Liberation Movement, although there were previous riots and actions against homophobic and transphobic oppression. It is often left out that the more frequent patrons of the Stonewall Inn were transwomen, drag queens, and butch lesbians.

Straight-Acting – A term usually applied to gay men who readily pass as heterosexual. The term implies that there is a certain way that gay men should act that is significantly different from heterosexual men. Straight-acting gay men may be critiqued by members of the LGBTQ community for seemingly accessing heterosexual privilege.

Gender:

These next terms relate specifically to gender.

Agender – A person without gender. An agender individual’s body does not necessarily correspond with their lack of gender identity. Often, agender individuals are not concerned with their physical sex, but some may seek to look androgynous. [Related Terms: neutrois, genderless, gender neutral]

Androgyne – Person appearing and/or identifying as neither man nor woman. Some androgyne individuals may present in a gender-neutral or androgynous way.

Bigender – A person whose gender identity is a combination of or alternation between two genders.

Butch – 1. A person who identifies themselves as masculine, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally 2. Sometimes used as a derogatory term for lesbians, but it can also be claimed as an affirmative identity label.

Cisgender – someone who feels comfortable with the gender identity assigned to them based on their physical sex.

Gender Confirming Surgery – Medical surgeries used to modify one’s body to be more congruent with one’s gender identity. A better term to use than ‘Sex Reassignment Surgery’ or ‘Gender Reassignment Surgery.’

Genderqueer – An individual whose gender identity is neither male nor female, is between or beyond genders, or is some combination of genders. Sometimes this includes a political agenda to challenge gender stereotypes and the gender binary system. Genderqueer individuals may or may not pursue any physical changes, such as hormonal or surgical intervention, and may not identify as trans*.

Neutrois – A person who identifies as being neither male nor female. This differs from androgyne, in that an androgyne sees themselves as a mix of two genders and neutrois individual sees themselves as not having a gender.

Non-Binary (NB, AKA Enby) -- See Genderqueer.

Stealth – This term refers to when a person chooses to be secretive in the public sphere about their gender history, either after transitioning or while successfully passing as a cisgender person of their gender. Also referred to as ‘going stealth’ or ‘living in stealth mode.’

Third Gender – 1. A person who does not identify with the traditional genders of “man” or “woman,” but identifies with another gender; 2. The gender category available in societies that recognize three or more genders

Trans* – An abbreviation that is used to refer to a transgender/gender queer/ gender non-conforming person. This use allows a person to state a gender variant identity without having to disclose hormonal or surgical status/intentions. This term is sometimes used to refer to the whole gender non-conforming community that might include (but is not limited to) transgender, genderqueer, genderfluid, non-binary, genderf*ck, transsexual, agender, third gender, two-spirit, bigender, trans man, trans woman, gender non-conforming, transmasculine, transfeminine, and gender questioning.

Transfeminine – 1. An umbrella term used to describe those who were assigned male at birth (AMAB), but identify as more female than male. Can include both trans women and non-binary trans people. It should be noted that transfeminine is not a descriptor of gender expression but of identity. Transfeminine people do not necessarily have to be stereotypically feminine in their interests or even presentation.

Transmasculine – 1. An umbrella term used to describe those who were assigned female at birth (AFAB), but identify as more male than female. Can include both trans men and non-binary trans people. It should be noted that transmasculine is not a descriptor of gender expression but of identity. Transmasculine people do not necessarily have to be stereotypically masculine in their interests or even presentation.

Trans Man – A man who was assigned female at birth. Signifies that he is a man while still affirming his transgender history.

Transsexual – A person who identifies as a member of a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth. Transsexuals often wish to transform their bodies hormonally and surgically to match their inner sense of gender/sex[See ‘Transition’].Not all people who medically transition identify as transsexual, andas such this label should be used with caution.

Transvestite – A dated term for people of a wide variety of identities who dressed in clothing that didn’t conform to the gender-based expectations of society. People once referred to as “transvestites” might today identify as transgender, gender non-conforming, or cross-dressers. This label should be used with caution.

Two-Spirit – A Native American term for people who blend the masculine and the feminine. It is commonly used to describe individuals who historically crossed gender. It is often used by contemporary LGBTQ Native American people to describe themselves.

Sexual Attraction:

These next terms relate specifically to the ocean of sexualities that exist and permeate our societies.

Ace – A short, slang version for asexual.

Allosexual – Someone who is not on the asexual spectrum.

Asexual – Person who does not experience sexual attraction. They may or may not experience emotional, physical, and/or romantic attraction. Asexuality differs from celibacy in that it is a sexual orientation, not a choice.

Bicurious – A person who identifies as gay or straight while showing some curiosity for a relationship or sexual activity with a person of a sex/gender they do not usually engage with. [Related terms: heteroflexible, homoflexible]

Bisexual – A person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction to people of their own gender as well as other genders, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree.

Demisexual – A person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It’s more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships.

Dyke – 1.Sometimes adopted affirmatively by lesbians (not necessarily masculine ones) to refer to themselves as a reclaimed term. 2. Derogatory term referring to (often masculine) lesbians.

Fag – 1.Derogatory term for a gay or effeminate man. 2. Derogatory term for any individual who does not match their assigned gender role. 3. Sometimes reclaimed by gay men as a self-identifier.

Grey Ace – Someone who identifies as part of the asexual community but does not identify as completely asexual. This differs from demisexuality in that being demisexual is a specific orientation and a gray ace is used as a catch-all for any unspecified identity under the Ace umbrella.

Monosexual – Attracted to one gender. May be used for individuals who identify as straight, heterosexual, gay, lesbian, etc.

Pansexual – A person who has the potential to experience sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions.

Romantic Attraction:

These next terms relate specifically to the ocean of romantic orientations that exist and permeate our societies.

Alloromantic – Someone who is not on the aromantic spectrum.

Aro – a short, slang version of aromantic.

Aromantic – Person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others.

Demiromantic – A person who does not experience romantic attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.

Greyromantic – Someone who identifies as part of the aromantic community but does not identify as completely aromantic. This differs from demiromanticism in that being demiromantic is a specific identity and greyromantic is used as a catch-all for any unspecified identity under the aromantic umbrella.

Heteroromantic – Someone who has romantic feelings for someone of the opposite sex or gender.

Homoromantic – Someone who has romantic feelings for members of the same sex or gender.

Panromantic – Someone who has romantic feelings for a person regardless of their sex or gender.

Polyamory – Refers to having honest, non-monogamous relationships with multiple partners and can include: open relationships, polyfidelity (which involves multiple romantic relationships with sexual contact restricted to those), and sub-relationships (which denote distinguishing between a ‘primary’ relationship or relationships and various ‘secondary’ relationships).

Definitions for this list were pulled from Michigan State University's Lesbian Bisexual Gay and Transgender Resource Center website, and from experience as a queer person in queer space where these words are being used and defined in context.

More terms and information exist on the website, but it is easiest to learn in the context of queer spaces. Do not, however, require people in these spaces to educate you. We are not teachers because you do not understand, google and resources such as this exist for a reason.