I am currently a senior studying Mechanical Engineering, and I have come to realize that I glorify being busy.
I glorify the sleepless nights, or weeks. I glorify my exhaustion and my levels of stress. I get sick contentment from taking 20 credits, working to jobs, and maintaining a social life. I put an unbelievable amount of expectation on myself, but why?
If I am truly in control of my life and what I do, why must I work myself to the bone? I have come to the realization that I am not in control of majority of the events that occur in my life, or rather that I enjoy pleasing people. I am already hustling hard this semester and it's only the third week.
I desire to stray away from this and truly live my life for me. I reflect consistently on last Spring's events....being in the hospital twice did indeed take a toll and one thing I know for sure is that I NEVER want to feel that way again. I am still in awe that it takes two overnight stays in the ER for me to realize that I need to live for myself.
Needless to say I fear disappointing those that rely on me. My bosses rely on me to work. My school relies on me to get good grades, as I do myself. My family relies on me to be around, as do my friends. The organizations I am part of rely on me to do my part and my fair share.
I rely on myself to sleep, to breathe, and to achieve my dream goal of receive a PhD in Mechanical Engineering and becoming a collegiate professor.
Sometimes I drown myself in commitments to the point where I can't come up for air.
I would hope someone would help me stay afloat instead of watching me try to keep my head above water, but I can not rely on people to solely keep me alive.
I am a silent swimmer.
More than often I hear other students glorifying their busy lives, and I refuse to congratulate them for it. It's not because I don't think you deserve to be held high because of your achievements, but when you are stressing yourself to the max....how can that be a good thing?
It's a matter of learning how to swim, not just hoping to stay a float and at the least enjoying the water.
Sometimes we need to wear floaties and that okay. Sometimes we need someone to jump in and save us.
We need to stop glorifying busy and enjoy swimming.
