Take this for example; you’re standing in a crowded room, where people are fleeting past you, a blend of colors and emotions and laughter. Your palms start to sweat, your breath hitches in your chest, words cannot come out, and, surrounded by all of those people, you feel hopelessly alone. Anxiety first made its mark on me around the summer of my 2nd grade, when my mother left the house and made her way across the world, to India. It was like a lead balloon; started out small and deflated but grew and grew until my whole body was bulging and being dragged deeper into the ground. In 5th grade, when the bullies were the worst and my life at home was the worst and I was the worst, the anxiety drank in my 0misery like fuel and launched into hyper-speed. 5th grade turned into 6th which, before I knew it, turned into high school. And then I really sky-rocketed into my disease. Around sophomore year, I practically became my anxiety; everywhere I looked, all the people I knew, were factors of my constant lack of trust and desire to be perfect. I lost 40 pounds in one summer, contracted a terrible eating disorder, and ended up having to spend time in a specialized hospital. It took my parents and I years to realize that I was severely ill and that I needed to get proper help to combat the demons that had grabbed a hold of every part of me, puppeteering me left and right, pulling me backwards.

For every girl, boy, man, and woman who has felt or feels this way, just know that you’re not alone. Anxiety is not something you are, it’s something you have. Never let yourself be dragged into a tombstone that your disease carved into the ground. That’s what it wants. Let yourself be loved. Love others. Love the spark that you feel when he or she looks at you. Don’t be scared. Love the way it feels to pet a dog. Don’t be scared. Don’t hide. Don’t run from others. Don’t run from the world. And most of all, the most important thing, don’t run from yourself. You are not your disease. You are beautiful.