It was the last few days of spring semester when my roommate casually said as we were trying to fall asleep, “I don’t think you’re straight.”

I laughed and said that I didn’t think so either then went to bed as normal.

Her comment lingered though. I have never been on good terms with my sexuality I guess you could say. Rather, I never thought about it. I had had a boyfriend throughout high school and another once I got to college and thus I never had the time to think I was anything but straight. The thought that I didn't came up a few times in high school but I never thought about it seriously. That is until my roommate said something. A month into summer break and her words still haunted me. The realization that I wasn’t straight hit me like a train. It suddenly all made sense. In the past I had what I thought were just “girl crushes” but I was just denying that I found these girls sexually and romantically attractive. I kept having realizations that I was in fact not as straight as I had previously thought. That’s when I knew that I was bisexual, and I was instantly scared. I wasn’t necessarily scared to come out as bi; I have a great many people in my life who are supportive and love me regardless. I was more scared of what other people were going to try and say to me and I feared the LGBT community.

I’m the type of person to not care about what other people have to say to me, I never really was. When people tell me they don’t like a certain aspect about me I laugh and continue on with my day. I was hesitant though to come out because I know how people are. There’s a lot of misconceptions about bisexuals and sexuality in general. A girl I graduated with, whom only dated guys in high school, got a girlfriend in college and when people heard they’d always remark, “Well when did she become a lesbian?” They always said it with such disdain. I don’t know what she identifies as, that’s not really my business, but when I heard people say that about her it was upsetting. So, she had a girlfriend that doesn’t make her a lesbian, and even if she was why are you acting so hateful about it? That’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it should be shameful to say lesbian as if it’s some curse word. I didn’t want them disdainfully talking about me like that.

The way they said it just got to me. When? When did she become a lesbian? As if there is a certain time you’re supposed to come out, or else is unacceptable. It’s almost as if, oh I don’t know, sexuality is fluid. That we can’t help who we fall in love with. That it’s not so black and white. When I came out that’s what I was terrified of. That I was going to be asked since when and that I was going to have to constantly fight people on the subject. I feared my validity was going to continuously be dragged through the mud by people. I also wasn’t looking forward to being asked numerous questions about my sexuality. I didn’t want people asking if I was more promiscuous or if I was into threesomes or if I wasn’t loyal to my current relationship because I was bisexual. I didn’t want people trying to tell me that I was confused or too young to know or that it’s a phase. I also didn’t want people thinking that since I came out as bi that that’s who I am because it’s not. A person is more than their sexuality. That’s not what makes a person, despite popular beliefs.

Coming out as bisexual also made me fear the LGBT community. It itself and the constant shit it goes through. I know that sometimes the LGBT community likes to tell bisexuals they aren’t a part of the community, that our sexuality isn’t valid. That we’re invisible. It’s also known that if you’re bisexual and you’re in a relationship with the opposite gender that you’re not valid either. That you’re not “gay enough” and that you’re just straight. I’m not trying to be “gay enough” I’m just trying to exist without people coming at me with their biphobic comments. I don’t want the community that I spent years supporting and loving that I’m now a part of to look at me and tell me I’m not welcome. As well, now that I’m a part of the community I fear for my safety a little more. A year ago I was sending my love to all my queer friends the night the tragedy at Pulse happened. I was in tears, telling them that if the circumstances had been different it could’ve well been them in that tragedy. A year later and I realize that it could’ve been me as well.

Coming to terms with myself hasn’t been easy and I still fear a lot. Regardless, I continue on. I know this part of me now, and I’m proud I figured it out. I’m bisexual. I’m not confused, I’m not too young, and my sexuality isn’t a phase. Don’t come at me with your bi-phobic misconceptions and negative words because I don’t want to hear it. I’m bisexual. I have fears but I won’t let them hold me back. My sexuality is not who I am as a person, but it’s a part of my personality. I have nothing to be ashamed of, and I will not be sorry for anything.

I’m valid, I’m happy, I’m learning, and I’m bisexual.

So yeah Harley, I don’t think I’m straight either.