If you ask around, most people played a sport when they were kids. Whether it was tee-ball, soccer, or some other sport, they can show you the brightly colored team shirts they still have in the bottom of their dresser and a row of trophies from those days displayed on a shelf. If you look closely at the trophies, they don’t say “Championship” or “1st Place.” They say “Participation.”

For kids today, participation trophies are handled much like candy on Halloween. As long as you show up to your neighbor's front porch, they’ll smile and give you a Milky Way and send you on your way. The same principle applies to youth sports, competitions, and activities. Simply show up and, when it’s all said and done, you’ll end up with a shiny trophy. It doesn’t matter if you’re first, last, or somewhere in the middle — you’re all going home with the same trophy.

Not many people realize how dangerous this practice is to our youth. Studies have shown that giving kids participation trophies can be detrimental to their development. It can make children self-centered, unmotivated, and give them a sense of false achievement. Losing is good for you. I’m not saying we should be hard on children when they don’t win a game. But I do believe that we shouldn’t tell children they are wonderful at everything they do, even if they get last place. If that behavior is reinforced enough, they may start to believe that last place is good enough, which will not translate well in adulthood.

Parents want their children to be happy, and they should. But they also have to help their children understand that, sometimes, adversity is a part of life. Sometimes, other people are better at certain things than you are. Sometimes, people work harder than you do. In the adult world, more often than not, people who work harder and have talent in a certain field make it far, and those who don’t try or don’t have an aptitude for a topic struggle. You don’t want your children to discover this for the first time when they’re looking for a job or having a hard time getting into college.

What’s more important than the extrinsic motivation of a trophy is the intrinsic motivation of doing your best. Instead of teaching our kids to aspire to a shelf full of trophies, we should teach our kids to do what they love to do. We should show them the importance of working hard, practicing, and doing something good for themselves, and how rewarding those things can be.

Children make mistakes and don’t always try their best, and it’s okay to point that out (although I’m not saying it’s okay to yell, abuse, or be mean to your child because they may not live up to your expectations). Encourage them to practice, always do their best, and do what they love — without needing a trophy.