How many times have we been a little disappointed in our significant other? They didn’t take out the trash like we wanted them to do. They didn’t get us the gift that we swear we dropped hints about all month. Maybe they didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear or the words didn’t come out right.
That’s completely normal. No one is perfect and the relationship will not be either.
We’ve all seen that romantic movie, you know, the one where the guy does something stupid, he shows her he loves her more than anything, and they live happily ever after? Yeah, that one. That’s not realistic at all. They are entertaining to watch, but often we get it in our heads that that is how our romantic relationship should be. We fantasize why we don’t get a guy like Ryan Gosling in the Notebook. Well, Ryan isn’t even like Noah in the movie. Sorry ladies.
Forget what we’ve seen in the movies. It doesn’t work like that. When you’re at your lowest and the guy you have had a crush on forever is not going to show up at your window ready to serenade you. I mean, it’s a nice thought, but so is not having to work for the rest of your life, not going to happen. In these movies, we need to understand that they are just that, movies. For our mere entertainment.
Sometimes he’s not going to say the right thing. Sometimes he’s not going to pick up on the hints that you are trying to give him. If you say that you really don’t want something for valentine’s day and you really do (of course you do) and he doesn’t get you something, that is kind of your fault. Don’t tell him that. We sometimes think that we are being clear, but it is not as crystal as you think. Maybe we’re disappointed because we have these unrealistic expectations. It’s not going to be church bells and fireworks, he’s not going to show up with a white horse and your favorite flower.
We might believe that our thoughts are obvious or that this person should just know what we are thinking because you are married or dating. That’s not exactly the case. The illusion of transparency is a tendency for people to overestimate the degree to which their personal mental state is known by others.
Communication is key. Cliché, but still accurate. You don’t care where you eat but you’ve been craving tacos all day? Just say you want tacos instead of Chinese food. Boom. Problem solved. No one is disappointed and in the end you have tacos.
So give the guy a break. They’re doing the best they can. It’s not fair to expect the impossible from someone and being discouraged when they don’t deliver.
