I know what you are thinking. I know that giving up your anxiety is easier said than done. However, I promise you that is so much better when you finally let it go and give it to Him. There are still going to be days when you feel it. There are still going to be events that are hard to go to because you are scared to be around so many people. No one's life is perfect and not everyone can go out without contemplating what might happen when you go out first. It's easier to talk ourselves out of a great opportunity than it is to tell ourselves that God has us, and whatever happens is going to happen; we just have to live life.
If you had told me two years ago, perhaps not even a year ago, that I would be switching churches, going to so many concerts, conferences, and church events with so many people, I wouldn't have believed you. Two years ago until October of 2016, I was basically depressed and anxiety had taken over my life. I stayed in bed more than I did at church. I never wanted to go anywhere or be around anyone. If I forced myself to go to church on a Wednesday night, with kids that I had known for years, it would have taken all of my energy to get me through the door and keep myself calm. I missed out on so many amazing opportunities. I missed dates, birthday parties, church events, being with friends- just because I was afraid of what might happen if I went to anything. I wouldn't have believed that I'd be at Augusta University by myself and making friends like it's a piece of cake.
It may still be a little hard for me to meet new classmates, but it happens and I have made some pretty awesome friends so far. I remember days of being in bed so much that I wouldn't eat because I wasn't doing anything except sleeping. I remember nights of crying thinking that people didn't like me enough or that there was something wrong with me because I couldn't get myself out of the house for more than school. I remember my mom coming in my room asking me if there was something wrong and all I could tell her was that I was tired and didn't want to do anything. I didn't know what else to tell her. I just didn't want to be around anyone. There were nights that all I could do was cry and ask God to change my heart and my life because I couldn't feel anything for anyone. I just felt worthless and I was so hard on myself.
On my walls, I have different Bible verses posted to remind me of God's love. One verse that I keep posted is 1 Peter 5:7 which says, "Cast all of your anxiety (or cares) on Him, because He cares for you." I repeated this verse to myself every day. It was so hard for me to give God my anxiety and I just kept feeling like a failure because I wouldn't be able to do that. I just couldn't let go of the constant thoughts and racing heart that came around when I just thought about going out somewhere. Another verse that really helped me was Hebrews 10:35. "Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you!" This verse reminded me that no matter how much my anxiety bothers me if I trust God then there is so much better to come in my life than just sitting in my room alone. I was determined to get myself where I wanted to be in life.
Learn to Laugh At Yourself.
One thing that really kept me from wanting to be around people, was that I was so afraid of messing up and having people laugh at me or judge me. I wouldn't even lift my hands in praise when we would worship at church and that's something I have always loved doing. That would be when I felt connected to God the most. I never knew how to laugh at myself.
However, a few Sundays ago, I was walking down the stairs at church and I fell. Yes, I fell down the stairs in front of my friends, with a baby shower going on at the bottom. I didn't fall far, but it did bruise me up. No, I didn't cry. I turned around to see my friend sitting on the steps laughing his head off and all I could do was halfway crawl up two steps to catch my breath from laughing so hard. I came home to tell my mom, so she could laugh too, but one thing I mentioned was that if anything like that had happened to me during my really hard time battling anxiety, I would have cried. Not because it hurt when I fell, but because it was so embarrassing that I felt my pride just drop.
I still laugh about it and I still have the bruises.
I still laugh about being at a conference a few weeks ago and taking a picture of the wrong group because I thought that my group was behind me when they weren't. I still laugh about yelling "Hey!" to random people at MOVE conference just because I wanted to. Learning to laugh at myself made my life so much easier and has even boosted my self-esteem. Going back to lifting my hands in worship- I hated not doing it. It tears me apart inside to be singing in worship and not lifting my hands when I feel my heart longing to. I was so afraid that people around me would think that I thought I was holy or that I was better than everyone else. Which was the total opposite. There was one point that I just had to tell myself that what others think doesn't matter. I was there to worship God and His opinion mattered so much more than anyone around me.
Learn to laugh at yourself. Don't be afraid to do something that you feel called to do. Don't let other people stop you from being you.
At first, it may seem hard to give God your anxiety and learn to trust Him more. It almost feels impossible when you try the first few times, but learning to give my anxiety to God was one of the best things I have ever done. For 2017, I made a New Year's resolution (something I NEVER do) and I told myself that I was going to be brave this year. I wanted to take more risks in my faith and do things I have never done. There are still moments where my anxiety feels like it's going to take control again, but I have learned to push through it and ask God to calm my heart. It's not easy facing anxiety alone; luckily, we have a God that loves us and is with us no matter what we're going through. If you have to, take a step back from reality and go sit somewhere and pray. Sometimes our anxiety is just a sign that we're not spending enough time with God. You don't have to let anxiety control your life, and it doesn't have to be a battle for you every day.
Give it to God and things will change.
