Something that crosses my mind literally every single day is how much I hate my bigger-than-average chest size. I know it's something I'll probably have to deal with for the rest of my life, and that's like the cherry on top of all the sadness my chest gives me.
To cope, here is a list of things I've endured in my big-chested lifespan that makes life hard for a girl who's just trying to work with what the good Lord gave her.
1. When bra shopping
You know you're probably a DD or even a DDD, but you try to squeeze into a D with really high hopes that your boobs magically shrunk all of the sudden. And no, we don't want a Victoria's Secret worker to help measure. We already know the mess we're in. Let us struggle on our own.
Also when shopping, push-up bras aren't even an option without our boobs up in our throats.
2. When the underwire breaks for the millionth time
Why we're constantly shopping for bras is because the underwire snapped or poked through the fabric and is stabbing us in a similar way to a Julius Caser incident.
3. When standing
My neck, my back, my aches and my bra straps.
That's all. You get it.
4. When running
Not only does it put extra strain on our necks and backs, but then we have to deal with people staring. Just the other day I went for a jog and I caught a handful of guys not making eye contact as I passed them. It's gross, but it makes me feel like I'm the gross one.
5. When laying on your stomach
You can actually lose your breath just laying down. It's not comfortable, it hurts every part of your chest, shoulders, and neck, and continues to ache even after you get up.
6. When in front of men
Kinda how I mentioned before, you can hardly exist with big chests around men. I always catch them looking, and it's embarrassing. Even in high school, I had a creepy teacher who would barely even make an effort not to stare. It's disgusting. If you "can't help it," then stare at the floor or stare at nothing. I don't care, just never look at me again.
7. When sitting
Once I had a boy tell me to, "get my boobs off the table," when I was literally just sitting there existing. I don't know how to sit at a table without my chest just like, being there. Sorry, sir. But also, not sorry. In fact, it's convenient to have a little shelf to get some relief up in here, can you blame me? You carry a 20-pound sack of melons on your chest for a day and get back to me.
8. When shirt/dress shopping
Your waist might be little but no one ever knows because your chest overpowers all things. It's so hard to find a shirt or dress that gives you a figure without squeezing your boobs out the tops or sides.
9. When wearing any v- or scoop-neck
It looks normal on normal-chested women, but dang... it's hard to wear anything low cut without people staring at you like you should perpetually have your name signed up for confession slots. I swear we aren't hoes, we just have nowhere for the ladies to go.
10. When deciding what to wear for the day
Should you try to look as flat-chest as possible with a sports bra orrrrr make an effort? But then...
11. When you usually wear sports bras but suddenly wear a real bra
People act *SHOCKED* when they see all of that going on for the first time in a long time. We wear sports bras to hide the protrusion and because we don't want attention drawn to us. So like, don't??? say anything when the girls are in their professional gear.
12. When you feel insecure about your body
Everything feels disproportionate, nothing looks right in the clothes you buy, and people always comment on them like we don't live with them every single day. We know, they're a lot sometimes. But we can't help it. We can't put them away. We have to deal with people looking, and for those who don't like attention drawn to themselves at all, this sucks. A lot.
13. When small-chested women say they're "jealous"
OK honey, no. The grass really is always greener, but at least you can like, stuff a bra or something if you wanted. Or buy push-ups. We have no options besides surgically removing them. No beef with smaller ladies, but you generally have cheaper options.
I hope all my big-chested ladies feel for me on this one. Us girls gotta stay united.
