I'm here to ask for your support with one thing: Let's make this year the year of girls supporting other girls.
If you're reading this, you're probably thinking, "What is this beautiful and perfect creature talking about?" Well you lovely specimens, I'm talking about internalized hatred that we have learned over the years. Hatred toward others, and most importantly, hatred toward ourselves.
Upon entering college, I have discovered a multitude of things about the real world: it f***ing sucks. College costs a fortune, dogs don't live forever, and girls are marginalized in every aspect of society. That's just how it is, right? WRONG. As a young woman, I have learned so much about myself and from other women that I have met: we are unbelievably strong, talented, intelligent, funny, and driven. There is no reason why we shouldn't respect ourselves and others.
So, what do I mean by "Girls supporting girls?"
Raise your hand if you've ever met a girl and immediately thought of something negative about her within the first five minutes?
If my calculations are correct, then every single person on the planet is raising their hands, just like when Tina Fey asked if anyone has ever felt personally victimized by Regina George in "Mean Girls". But before you start panicking and feeling like a terrible human, I want you to ask yourself, "Why do I do this?"
When we are born, we are slapped in a pink or blue blanket, put into our parents' arms, and are set to embark on a predetermined world of identity. As we grow up, we learn what girls are allowed to do and what they aren't, what they are allowed to wear and what they aren't. Eventually, we internalize these ideas and look at other girls through a critical lens- and not the good kind. We pore over girls' outfit choices, the way their hair looks, how big or small their assets are, if they have a thigh gap, etc. Sit back and ask yourself, "Why do I give a shit?"
We need to start looking at our thoughts and choices and get to the bottom of why our brains are wired to spew hate before love.
Internalized hatred spreads outward. We, as women, have an undeniable habit of seeing other women as extensions of ourselves. When we meet a girl who is seemingly "perfect," we immediately jump to criticize her. One time, I was in the dining hall and heard a girl make fun of a beautiful girl who just walked in for having a backpack that "drooped too low." While this seems like a wild example, I'm not here to criticize this envious girl because she is doing exactly what females have been conditioned to do; compete with each other.
As a fellow female, we are often taught that feeling threatened by other girls, or competing with other girls, is a natural part of who we are. Says who? You can only be in a competition if you sign yourself up for one. Don’t sign up.
Things to Remember:
Girls are like grilled cheeses: No two are the same, but each one is equally amazing.
Girls come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, and sexualities. Girls come from all different cultures, backgrounds, and upbringings. Remember this next time you meet another girl. In order to start supporting one another, we need to start recognizing what it is that makes us different.
What you think is best for you, might not be the best for her.
When talking to new people, remember that it is not healthy or productive to shove an idea or preference down their throat. Respect her choices and listen to her reasoning for something. The minute you scoff at her preferences and belittle her actions, you are confining her. Do not confine girls, allow them to express themselves and be limitless.
Remember personal space and safe zones.
If your shy friend Becky doesn’t want to go to that party, don’t bully her into going. Put yourself in her shoes. There is always a reason behind everything. Make her feel valued. Make her feel accepted. And most of all, make her feel safe. If a girl is feeling threatened by anything or anyone, extend your help and fight for her. There is always strength in numbers.
Think before you speak; insults are never the answer.
I've touched on this point before and I will touch on it again: Try your very best not to jump to the negative. I know that sometimes this is inevitable, it happens to everyone- but, try to challenge yourself to look at others in a positive light. Instead of criticizing the girl's outfit who just walked in the room, try changing your frame of thought. Redeem yourself. Maybe that's not an outfit you would wear, but props to her for being brave enough to wear it. She's killing it and her butt looks phenomenal.
The first thought that comes into your head is what you have been conditioned to think. It is that second thought that defines who you are.
Every girl has her own unique lifestyle: It is not up to you to deem what is right or wrong.
What I'm really trying to say here is that just because a girl does something you never imagined yourself doing, it doesn't automatically make her less than you. If you prefer sitting in your room reading on a Friday night, but your housemate prefers to get drunk off tequila at the bar, that's fine. It is not up to you to decide what lifestyle is better. If a girl prefers casual sex, then so be it. How does that affect your life? If a girl prefers long term relationships, then so be it. How does that affect your life? If a girl prefers no sex at all, then so be it. How does that affect your life?
Unfortunately when it comes to sex and dating, girls are told that they should be reserved, and that having too many partners makes them a "slut" or a "whore." Also, for anyone that accuses girls of being "loose" for having a lot of sex, you are unbelievably misinformed about the female anatomy. Vaginas don't magically get loose from a lot of sex. Vaginas are designed to stretch during intercourse (and other activities) and they spring back like a rubber band. Literally, the only thing that has the potential to permanently stretch a vagina is multiple childbirths. So, what I'm trying to tell you is, if you call a girl who has sex "loose," you are both rude, and indescribably uneducated.
For the girls out there who are worried about their body count: so what if you've slept with 40 people? It is your life and your decision. Just be smart and safe and always make sure that your experiences are healthy and consensual.
Sex and dating are unique experiences for every individual and it is up to us, as girls, to recognize that. The more we support the sexual freedom of other women, the closer we will be to dismantling rape culture and unlearning sexism.
Body shaming is bullying.
If you're a girl, you unfortunately know what it is like to dislike your body. You know what it is like to look in the mirror, whether you're 90 pounds or 300 pounds, and see something that makes you want to cry. We are taught, from a young age, that the prettiest girls are the girls on TV or magazine covers. Most girls, by the age of 10, already have body image issues. Do you see what's wrong with this? Remember that every time you laugh at someone's fat joke and every time that you nod your head at how "disgustingly skinny" another girl is, you are perpetuating hate and you are prolonging a fight that affects you to your very core, whether you know it or not.
Girls supporting girls is a frontier that I hold near and dear to my heart. Because if we girls can't stick up for each other, then who will?
I'm not asking you to burn your bras or get a tattoo of Susan B. Anthony on your butt, I'm asking you to challenge yourself. Pick a day this week as your "girl support day" and try to think one positive thing about every single girl you see. No exceptions. If you do this, I promise you that you will feel better than you ever have before. Spend a day surrounding yourself in endless positivity and watch how it can change so many aspects of your daily life.
What I'm trying to tell you is that not every girl "girls" the same way that you do. Instead of criticizing these differences, celebrate them. Learn to love what makes us different. We distance ourselves and belittle other women because we have been taught that our gender is inherently inferior.We cannot change a system if we don’t first look at our internalized prejudices. Tackling hatred starts from within.
To all you girls out there: Learn. Grow. Fight. Empower.
This is our world too.
