For The Girls Who Were The Second Option

Love is not an easy game to play, and I hate to compare such a crucial matter of trading souls and breaking hearts to something as trivial as a childish, but that is what love has become: a game.

And some hearts don’t always know how to play.

I know it’s hard to stand from a fall, from a risk you thought was worth taking. I know how hard it is to come back from a pain you thought that would become you, I know what it’s like to lose yourself in loving someone else, and how it feels when you’ve given up every bit and piece of who you are to someone who didn’t deserve even a second of your time, let alone your heart and mind.

I remember the boy who held my hand while watching The Notebook, kissed me in mid-sentence, and stole all the words off my lips. I think he took more than just an old memory that night, but a heart that he already knew was his. I think he knew before I did, that I was the one who fell too quick.

It was then I realized that, I wasn't the only one.

And I hate having to share my heart with someone else.

That’s what it feels like when you feel like their eyes are wandering where they shouldn’t, when you feel the strong grip around your waist loosen at the thought of someone else, when you feel like someone has already taken your place in their arms while you’re still laying in them. You feel like you’ve lost the game before you even got the chance to play, and there’s nothing worse than losing a fight where you never got the chance to pick up your sword. The worst defeat of all is the one you lose by default.

I know it’s difficult to throw in the towel, when all you want to do is hold on tighter. However, I also know, it’s so much better when you don’t give them that power. It’s better to lose yourself in what you love, rather than in something or someone, that doesn’t. Find solace in what you did before him, before he became the center of your universe, and don’t lie, that’s exactly what you had let him become. Trust me, I thought I was playing it safe, I thought I had my heart under control, that I knew where the relationship was going until he stole the steering wheel, while I wasn’t looking.

The terrible truth of it all, was that I didn’t have it under control.

And he knew it.

I thought the odds were in my favor, but they were always in his, because how could I ever win a game that I never knew I was playing?

I just never saw the slight of hands underneath the table, the extra trap card he was keeping on the side just incase.

I was that card.

I was the one left on the side lines, if the game got tough.

I was the back up.

I was the second option.

And I have to tell you now, that it’s not worth standing in second place. Even if you are the one laying in his arms at the moment, his mind will always be on her, even when he’s with you. You will be fighting a losing battle, neither of you can win. You might feel spite towards her, that if she never came along, it would all be better, but the truth is, he would have found another girl to take her place, and then yours. Some players are too in love with the game to give it up, even if it means losing a good girl in the process, and that girl has to be you.

You have to be the girl that is strong enough to walk away first.

You have to be the girl that didn’t loose her heart, but stole it back.

You have to be the girl that fell, but got back up.

You have to be the girl that is first place in not just his book, but yours.

You should know more than anyone what you do and do not deserve, and half of someone’s attention, half of someone’s heart shouldn’t be one of them. Now, don’t go all Perks Of Being A Wallflower on me, and say we “accept the love we think we deserve”, because if you think you deserved to be put at the bottom of someone’s priority list, I am here to steer you straight off that crazy track because on the road of life, love can be the bright lights that blind you from seeing what’s in front of you, until it’s too late to turn the wheel. You shouldn’t have to race down any road to get him at the finishing line like some prize, he should be there waiting at the end, even when the stands are empty; even if you come in last place because you will always be the one who won his heart and never had to compete for first place.

Why should you have to share the person you care about with someone else? Unless the harsh truth of the matter is, that he never cared at all. No one would put the person they love in the position where they feel like they have to fight for a spot in their life. If he loves you, he will make a spot for you, regardless of the others who are trying to steal your place. He should be yours, and only yours, plain simple.

It’s not a discussion.

It’s not a debate.

There shouldn’t be any room to question one undeniable fact:

That you are his, and he is yours.

There shouldn’t be another her thrown into the equation, because love triangles, my friend, they don’t work out. Someone will get hurt, and that someone will be you.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Made Herself The First Option