When is the last time you heard a woman throw around the word, "masturbate", in the middle of a casual conversation? I bet reading that might have been uncomfortable all on its own. From a very young age, women have taken on this role as secret keepers. Sure, it's just "locker-room talk" for a man to discuss jerking off; but a woman expressing ways she enjoys pleasuring herself is absolutely taboo. This behavior from a man has taken on a reputation of its own as, "just guy talk", or will be accompanied by, "what do you expect". Unfortunately, the first thing I was taught about my sexuality, was the simple process of sex. In my blue plaid skirt and an embroidered white polo, I sat in a room with my fifth-grade teacher and every other girl in my class; as the boys in our grade had been taken into another room. I did not realize it at the time, but this simple separation was detrimental to our development process, and the reason for the further divide between the two sexes. No, the focus of this is not the split of the sexes, but the lack of transparency shown to myself and others at a very young age.
I do not blame my teacher for approaching this topic the way she did, she was just doing her job. She spent an hour bluntly explaining: our sex organs, their processes, and how because of sex we would also be getting a period, which of course led to the conversation of pads and tampons. At eleven years old, we were taught that our bodies were machines. She skipped over the part where sex would feel good. That it would leave you in a state of euphoria. She skipped over the part where a woman will, in fact, feel a stronger connection towards her partner after having sex, more than her partner would feel towards her. That it would not be something a woman could control, it was just science. She failed to mention to us, that this same pleasurable feeling that one could associate with a man, could also be brought about on our own. I am not downplaying the importance of learning about sex and what a woman's body will undergo during puberty, no. I am simply voicing my frustration on the way young girls are not taught how to care for their bodies.
Self-love and self-appreciation become more common as one realizes the most important relationship to nurture, is the relationship with oneself. Unfortunately, many toxic relationships are built around dependency; whether that be emotional or physical. However, a woman secure in her own body is an empowered woman. Through masturbating, a woman releases the chemicals: oxytocin, endorphins, and adrenaline. These each play a role in increasing empathy, self-bonding, mood enhancement, and of course blood pressure. Imagine a world, where a female would not have to seek out a man to feel the satisfaction of an orgasm. I have a feeling that the same woman would hold herself to a higher standard.
I do not know why the first thing we are taught, is what our body can do for other people. Why would we not be our own priority? Yes, it is pivotal to comprehend what the female body can embrace through pregnancy and what a man's role is in sex; but what about what our body craves? Being introduced to this topic at eleven is a staple point for any fifth grader as "the talk". The conversation we feel like we should avoid. I do not understand why some things are left unaddressed by parents or teachers. I could have learned more about myself if someone would have just come out and said what kind of attention the woman's body also needs. The stigma of masturbating being "gross", and the conversation of it being "inappropriate" is just sad when it is truly the most human instinct one has. For some reason, there is this double standard when it comes to what is acceptable for a man to do, and what is expected of a woman. We are not machines, and I wish the world understood that.
