I hope you ladies have no idea what you are doing. I hope you ladies are not being this controlling with him on purpose. I have been in his shoes as a woman and I have felt what he is feeling through my own experiences. It is hell to be put through what you are putting him through.
I always hear about men controlling women in the media. That this female celebrity was controlled and abused by this male celebrity. However I never hear the other way around, in fact, it is almost unheard of for a female celebrity to abuse her male companion. In the real world, women are just as abusive to their male partners and it needs to stop.
In the real world, women control who their guys talk to. In the real world, women hit their men. In the real world, women can cause emotional damage just as bad as the men. What you are doing is not right.
My guy friend "Austin" is currently being abused by his girlfriend and this is what I have to say to her:
'It is hell what you are doing. I see the pain in his eyes. I saw it last night at the gym when I wanted to make plans with a group of people, you and him included, and he had to purposely ignore me because of you.
My future husband is a close friend to him from college but he is my friend as well from high school and college too. Friend's do not purposely ignore each other and I saw one of the toughest men I know eyes tear up when he saw my tears silently fall down my face.
No one should have to go through that.
Your excuses of me being the problem have all been proven wrong. I am not trying to sleep with him since I am going to marry his friend and I had a chance to be with him and I did not take that chance. I still would not choose to do anything like that with him to this day.
You barely know anything about me except that I workout, have a man I am going to marry, what I look like, and my job. Yet you are looking for excuses because I sent a picture of the dress I was going to wear to dinner at a place that your boyfriend recommended to us...
Maybe the problem isn't me, maybe it's you.
From what I understand you have been through a lot with your past boyfriends. But you cannot treat someone who had nothing to do with that like crap. I know my friend cheated on you, and I am pissed about that. So much that I tried to fight him when I found out because he hurt you.
I defended you, the girl who hates my guts without even meeting me, because he hurt you. I have been cheated on, I know what it's like, it's a pain that never goes away. You can't abuse someone into being with you. That's not love, honey.
You have your faults as well. He can't be my friend, but you can go to the city and partake in a bar crawl with 15 other guys without him there. You don't let him have his friends, but you can do something like that. I got your boyfriend clean from drugs, your friends got you drunk.
But according to you that doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter that I spent an hour on the phone at times with your boyfriend while he cried because you called him worthless for being fired. He needed you and you emotionally can't be there for him, or for anyone it seems; but you want people to be there for you...that's not how it works.'
A relationship like this doesn't work out for the best. This information stated above constitutes for this to be labeled as an abusive relationship by definition and that's only the stuff that happens in the open...not behind closed doors. Everyone knows what happens behind closed doors is way worse than what the light sees.
People have to learn to love themselves before they love someone else. I had to learn this from my abusive relationships. I am not perfect, but I had to make a change and fast before I could truly call my boyfriend my everything. I had a lot to let go from and I had a lot to talk about to others who offered me help that I needed. I wasn't gonna hurt my boyfriend because of what my exes did to me.
Pride is a deadly trait to have. To have that trait while being in an abusive relationship, whether the receiver or the giver of that abuse, can end up being the reason why someone dies.
Relationships are hard today when it comes to being emotionally responsible for another human being. That is the underlining basis of a relationship; to be emotionally responsible for someone's happiness.
If you cannot make that person healthier, happier, or make them feel more loved, then you should not be together. Plain and simple my friend should not be with this girl because of the abuse, but he wont listen to the signs and the warnings given not only by me but by other men as well.
Men have a harder time with this because they cannot come out and tell their guy friends that their female partner is being abusive to them. Abuse does not have to be just physical and men have emotions and feelings too.
Their feelings and emotions matter and they should not be put down. If they are put down by their female, then they should be treated just like if a woman was being put down by her male partner.
Emotions do not care if you are male or female (or whatever you identify with,) emotions are the same for everyone. Treat them as such. A man should be able to say he's being abused and not have this stigma that he is not a man once he comes out and say this.
He should be treated just the same as a woman would and be offered the same help as a woman would be offered. Yet for some reason our society has to belittle these men who admit they are in an abusive relationship while they are the ones being abused.
My friend needs the help he deserves in this, but there is nothing for him. He has the body of a pro-athlete and she's maybe 140lbs soaking wet. He would be turned away at any help he tries to receive. He has no where to go if this gets worse and it's society's fault why this happens.
Men get abused too.
