Even after all of the hurt, all of the low times, all the stuff we've been through... I still care.
If you're reading this, then I'm awfully sorry. I'm sorry that it's come to this, and I'm sorry that we didn't get the closure we owed each other. We could have at least done that for one another. I mean, we were the best of friends. I guess everything good doesn't last forever though.
We used to be the human diary for each other, we used to be inseparable, and we used to be able to carry on a civil conversation. Now we can't even swallow our pride to speak to each other.
Please know that I do my best to keep an eye on you and to check in with you. I catch myself stalking your profile, seeing who's in your snapchats now, reading everything you post, paying attention to the comments to see how you really are, and I even drive past your house when I'm really missing you. I always look for you in your favorite spots or hope that I'll pass you in this small town.
There was a point in time that I couldn't imagine my life without you. You had been there through the worst of times, and you have saved me over and over again. You were the reason that I was able to survive some of the longest days and nights of my life. If it wouldn't have been for you holding my hand, keeping me positive, and making sure that my crown didn't fall off then I'd be a wreck. You kept me above water when I was drowning in my depression, and that meant a lot to me. Sometimes when I'm fighting the battle by myself, I wish you were still there with me.
I can't thank you enough for all of the late night venting session that turned into a day of fun, all of the late night trips, all of the money wasted on food, all of the times you never let me cry alone, all of the laughs we shared together, all of the gossip we've talked, all of the inside jokes that I'll never forget, all of the times taking the long way home, all of the times we stalked on certain boys, all the screenshots we sent each other, all the pointless tags on Facebook, our nicknames, all of the "judge free zone" conversations, all of the small petty arguments, all of the jam sessions to our pity songs, all of the times I was able to confide in you about my deepest darkest secrets, and all of the times you pulled me closer when I pushed you away.
We both took a chance on each other and I hate to say that I never expected it to end like this, but everything takes two. We both lost some and gained some when choosing each other, and I will forever be okay with that.
I never imagined I'd have to graduate college, make a few regrets, meet the love of my life, marry him, have children, raise those children, tackle on life, and keep being okay without you.
I do miss you more than anything and I wish things could be like they were in the beginning, but I guess everything happens for a reason. It's so weird because I know deep down that we're worth it but I also know that things weren't the same between us, and as much as I hate that, I guess it's normal... right? That's what I keep telling myself over and over again to make an excuse for our pettiness. I'm sure best friends just stop being best friends all the time... I'm not even sure you miss me, so what's the point in trying.
If you do take the time out of your day to read this, then please know that I will ALWAYS care about you, I will ALWAYS be thankful for you, and I will ALWAYS love you for being you princess.
Maybe one day our paths will cross again. At least, I hope they do.
Love always and forever more than anything, the girl who wanted to be your maid of honor.
