Friendship; the warm and caring bond for another person just by being who they are and spending time with you, is one of the most important things in life. However, just as it is important to cherish all friendships, it is crucial to remember how each relationship differs and the needs each of your relationships have. I know, for instance, that there are certain topics my male friends won't necessarily find interesting or relatable. While my female friends can empathize and give advice; like talking about periods. There are also other factors that come in to the actual content of my interactions with different friends, such as where they're from, how old they are, etc. However, I have recently been paying specific attention to the value of my female friendships and why they bring such uniqueness and love into my life.
Women, for the most part, have been raised with a competitive nature towards each other. Our interactions have been designed to scrutinize ourselves, and by consequence, scrutinizing the women around us. We are constantly competing against each other in a race we never agreed to. With all the odds stacked against women, for the sole fact that we are female, we realized that we actually work better together. Instead of trying to one-up ourselves in comparison to each other, we came to realize that we thrive off of each other's energy. However, the need for community and working together actually happens to be in our DNA. According to Shelley E. Taylor, in The Tending Instinct, she analyzes female friendships and their value based on biological, cultural, anecdotal facts. With years of observation and research, she explains the concept of girlfriends within our society. For example, in Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns, the story of Mariam and Laila's friendship illustrates the true bond of female friendship. These two women, despite beginning as enemies, bloom from their growing friendship. The sacrifices they make show how much they care for each other regardless of their differences.
This does not go to say that I do not value my male friendships, because I do very much, however, I value them in a different way. There are distinctive ways to care for people and understand them. I think that men, for the most part, bring in refreshing insights on ideas and opinions that I otherwise wouldn't have considered. Both kinds of friendships are just as important, and to appreciate my female friendships doesn't mean I have to belittle my guy friends in any way, and vice-versa.
Besides the empowerment and identifiable aspects of female friendships, I've come to gather that the reason why female friendships have such a unique and deep bond. It is because we risk our vulnerability far more than men do. Despite men or women being able to form deep and meaningful connections with members of the same sex, women build that bond a lot differently. It usually happens in a more sensitive and raw manner. Any woman who has been in a bathroom in a public space can attest to this: a simple request for a tampon can result in the most endearing conversations.
As a woman, I truly do believe we have an innate urge to protect each other. The fact that women are more communal by nature solidifies that belief. From my female friendships I not only learn about them but also about myself. A great deal of what empowers me comes from relying on my girlfriends, who I know I can expect honesty, transparency and trust from. Not to say that other friendships can't provide me with the same reliability and trustworthiness, but that women are caring in such a way that I know that whatever they need to tell me will be told in a compassionate, understanding and appreciative manner.
Sadly, mass media attempts to sell women short and often in a crude manner. The media attempts to say that women relate to each other by our love to gossip and taking interests in fashion and make-up. Thus rendering us "fake" and not worthy of a true friendship with each other. Time and time again I've heard girls boast about how they "prefer being friends with men" because "they can be real and straight up with you", when, in reality, someone's ability to be frank and honest with you has nothing to do with their gender. In the end, the myth that women cannot hold meaningful relationships with each other takes us back to that fascination society has with pitting us against each other.
In a TEDWomen Talk hosted by Pat Mitchell, Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin weigh in on the topic of female friendships over a casual conversation between long-term friends. Having known each other for years, Tomlin and Fonda celebrate their own friendship as well as the many others they've cultivated over the years, affectionately recalling what is it about women that makes friendships so great. “Some friendships feel spiritual, because it’s a heart opening. We go deep. I find that I shed tears with my intimate friends, not because I’m sad, but because I’m so touched and inspired by them," Fonda asserts.
As women, specifically young women, the necessity for a community that takes you in and understands you is central to our development in a society of individualism. With my female friends I know that there is very little that cannot be discussed. We allow ourselves to be completely cut open and really explore our feelings. Female friendships also highly influence our own self-esteem and conceptions of ourselves. This is because our friends see us for the person that we truly are and they have no problem complimenting and expressing adoration towards us. This also has a lot to do with the fluidity of female sexuality, where we are closer physically because we yearn for that kind of intimate relationship and warmth. Most women have no problem hugging and kissing each other or even going to the bathroom together.
For most of my life, the friendships I relied on happened to be with my girlfriends, where not only were they cultivated over many years, but still continue regardless of where we are in the world. It was through these friendships that I learned the true meaning of sorority. If we do not help each other, no one else will. As women, we've shared many stories over plenty of bottles of wine, lent each other shoulders to cry on when we needed the most, and helped each other grow despite our circumstances. Through these friendships I've realized the importance of compassion, empathy and care. Sticking together only makes us better, stronger, and successful.
