Have you ever seen a kid sitting alone in the cafeteria? Did you think to yourself: “I will go talk to them…but maybe they want to be alone…I could check to see how they are doing…but I think they want to just be alone?” Now, for a change of perspective, have you ever been that kid sitting at a table by his or herself in the cafeteria? I have, and being on that side of the coin changed the way I handle situations involving others.
Before, I may have been that person to either ignore the lonely soul or to talk myself out of talking to the lone ranger, but I am no longer that person because I experienced a word that most children dread: MOVING! I had to move twice in my life, for my dad was in the Air Force, and I struggled to make friends after my second move. I was that kid alone at the table, alone at recess, at home on the weekends, and being talked about in the hallways. That girl was me, but if I could live my life over, I would not change a single event leading up to my loneliness, and I will tell you why.
I cannot tell you how thankful I am to empathize with others in new, uncomfortable situations; I immediately have a desire to befriend new students because I know the feeling of being in their shoes. Many children do not have to experience moving, so it is difficult for them to understand the social stress that moving causes. The movie, Inside Out, actually demonstrates the emotions perfectly, and I nearly cried watching it because of how accurate and relatable the movie was. Because my family and I moved to Germany, we experienced living and adapting to new cultures by being overseas.
The reason why I made friends with individuals from Africa in high school, why I mentored incoming freshmen in high school, and why I became an international student mentor in college is because I have lived through a similar experience. I know what moving feels like, and I am no longer the person in the uncomfortable situation. No matter how intimidating it seems to put myself out there by walking over to a stranger and introducing myself, I know that they are more scared than I am.
They are in the uncomfortable spot; you are not. You are laughing with your friends and feel so at ease with life. Think about life from the new person’s point of view. They are uncomfortable and worried and lonely. They will not think you are weird if you go over and talk to them. They do not know who you are. They will be relieved and grateful that they have someone who is nice enough to talk to them.
I know that it was meant to happen. I was meant to struggle in middle school so that I could help others in high school and college. I do not want anyone to have to feel the way that I felt or to go through what I had to experience; I ensure that new students will be welcomed by me, if by no one else. Be the upstander. Don’t depend on others to make the first move. It may never happen if you wait for others to move first, but at least you can count on yourself to make a difference.
I make sure to include everyone, so that there are no lonely kids left in the cafeteria. If you are reading this, the next time you see someone sitting alone, try to talk to them. He could become your best friend…you could be the boost of confidence that he needs to begin to fit in to his new surroundings. Have a positive impact on someone’s life. Believe me, the lonely person is more scared than you are. You are the comfortable one in the situation, think about that. To my friends who wonder how I can be so brave by introducing myself to strangers, this is why. My courage comes from the shy girl who was new to a school, who was never called back for a play date. Take a risk…stretch outside of your comfort zone for someone else. Take it from someone who sat alone at the table in the cafeteria. Here, I’ll help…first extend your hand, then open your heart.
