Within the past year, I have done some growing up, which resulted in a fresh mind and new aspirations. It suddenly dawned on me that in order to move forward and get to where I want to be, I needed to do some reevaluating with those in my life. Inspirational speaker Steve Maraboli once said, “Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny,”, and I immediately thought of you.

I never thought we would be friends. We had crossed paths once before, and you were not the kind of person I associated myself with, until you were. Suddenly, you were always there. We had almost every class together junior year, and it was great. We shared laughs, miniscule crushes on teachers we were obviously never going to be with, and a dislike for all of the same people. You started becoming one of my favorites and I thought that things could not get any better, but then it did. Then one day, I thought I had absolutely nobody, but I had you, and that is the day you became my person.

From then, you were with me through everything. You moved lunch tables with me, and even stopped associating with some people, all because of me. You became my sister. We laughed until we cried, we cried until we fell asleep, and we ate until we could not eat any more. We were everything together. We were inseparable. And then, you fell in love and everything changed.

You cried a lot. Your frustration levels were through the roof, and you took that out on me. I chose to be there. I chose to be your verbal punching bag. The love of your life moved to another country, and you decided that then was the perfect time to confess your love. Ultimately, you were turned down, and it left you devastated. Shortly afterwards, you got sick: physically and mentally. No one understood what was going on, and sometimes, neither did I. Yet I laid by your side every chance I could. That was not enough for you. Instead of giving gratitude, you tore me down. When I needed you to be my voice of reason for my relationship, you refused. When he broke my heart, you did not even attempt to contain your satisfaction. My attention was no longer occupied; I was all yours again. Meanwhile, I was hurting and not one ounce of your being cared.

I got over it. I thought, “this is my best friend. No matter what she does, she is my best friend.” And then the love of your life returned, and suddenly, I was nothing. She was the center of your universe, despite repeatedly breaking your heart. Not once did she stick up for you, I did. Not once did she ever risk her life for you, I did. Not once did she pick you up after you had just finished throwing up, to take you to get medicine, but I did. I did everything for you. I was your only true best friend, your parents said so countless of times, and what did you do? You belittled me. You constantly told me I was a bitch. You told people I have no relationship with whatsoever about how I lost my virginity, something a girl only tells people she can trust. To make matters worse, you let others talk about me. I stood up for you against everyone, including those who had my best interest at heart, but when it came to sticking up for me, you never did. Instead, you joined in on the fun, making me feel worthless. You let your “friends” make comments, causing my already bruised self esteem to become worse. Sure, that pained me, but what truly killed me inside was the fact that you chose them. Every. Single. Time.

Now that I have found a sense of clarity, I am the one making decisions, and my decision is to live a life without you.

Despite all the hurt you have put me through, I find myself needing to say thank you. If you never treated me so inadequately, I would have never gotten my life together. Thank you for opening my eyes and pushing me to change from the kind of person I was, to the person I am now. Now I am stronger. Thank you for the memories, both the good and bad. I will always love you, but I have to say goodbye.