To the girl who never believed she was good enough,

I'm sorry. On behalf of the person who belittled you, the social medias that lied to you, the grades that you let define you, or the goals that you couldn't reach, I'm saying sorry.

I'm sorry for all the times that wondered where your life was heading. I'm sorry for the boy who broke your heart and made you afraid to ever love again. I'm sorry for the people who made you feel too serious, too silly, too strange. I'm sorry for the images and online comments that told you that you were too fat, too thin, too plain, too extravagant. I'm sorry for the pressure you felt to succeed in areas you weren't sure you wanted.

I'm sorry for the puffy eyes in the morning after a long night of crying your hurts away. I'm sorry that you let people use you in ways that you vainly call love. I'm sorry that the idea of eating makes you sick, and that a full stomach makes you disgusted. I'm sorry you feel hopeless as you look at the lives of your peers. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry because I've been there too. I've experienced all of those things, throughout all of my life, and often at one time. It sucks. It's painful. It's horrible to live in a hell inside your own head and to have it "confirmed" by the people and things around you. Even worse is to know it's all a lie.

I want to tell you the truth. Pure, Biblical truth. But I hesitate. Why? Well to begin, I don't know you. I don't know where you come from or where you're headed. I don't know if you believe in God. Even if you do, I'm not sure that it'll help. I'm a Christian and I still struggle to value myself. Even so, I'm gonna try.

To begin with the applicable to all is Psalm 139:13-14:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God made you and he made you perfectly. The way you look is entirely intentional and beautiful. Of course there are changes we can make to ourselves, but some parts we just have to accept as God's perfect design (like my weird hip structure, and my fiance's weird nostrils). They are what they are, they make us unique, and they're exactly as God intended. Though honestly, I don't think God cares much about our physical attributes. He chose Moses who had a stutter to speak for Pharaoh on behalf of his people. He chose David, the youngest and smallest brother to be the King. God just doesn't really care about the physical things. So what does he care about?

But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." — 1 Samuel 16:7

So, yes God made us and formed as perfectly in his own image, but the piece he cares about most is our heart. David was chosen because God saw his heart and knew that David had a heart after his own. If you have given your life to God, the following is true for you.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" — 2 Corinthians 5:17

Our past mistakes and failures don't matter anymore. They are forgiven and we are new. When you're living your life for Christ, nothing else matters. By focusing on him and who he wants you to be (a person after his own heart), you start to find that nothing else matters. This is still a growing process for me. Despite knowing I am wonderfully made and a new creation, I still worry about what others think and think poorly of myself. I worry and I fuss about being enough, but I shouldn't. God will provide my every need and he will lead me exactly where I need to be.

That may mean that I never get to my dream weight or that one side of my mouth never lifts up the whole way when I smile. It may mean that I don't know the answers and I get poor grades. It may mean that I encounter people who make me feel like nothing sometimes, but that is still okay. At the end of the day, I need to be focused on what God thinks of me and what I can do for him. If I spent as much time meditating on that as I do on what people are gonna think about the words I say or the way I look, I may rival Jesus (kidding, kidding, please no smiting).

I don't want to minimize your experiences as I understand the weight of depression and anxiety. I really truly do. I'm not attempting to give you a cop-out answer, I'm trying to give you the truth of this life. You will never measure up to this world, and if you manage, too, you're probably not measuring up to God's standards. At the end of the day, I'd rather the world call me garbage and tell me I'm nothing than to be someone whose heart God would deem unworthy.

By the grace of God through his son, I am a redeemed and new creation. That's where my hope is, where my identity should come from. I am good enough not because of my successes or my appearances, but because the king of kings died for me. He is my validation and he can be yours, too.