The word grandparent might mean an array of things to many different people, since no one family is quite the same. I personally have a couple different definitions myself.

For example, when I think of grandfathers, I think of that person who endlessly spoils you; the one who goes against your mother's wishes and gives you chocolate ice cream for breakfast, or maybe too much candy. He is the one who teaches you how to have fun but also get your hands dirty. He's the one who shows you that gardening isn't only a woman's job, and that bugs and worms are no match for hands (though that fearlessness didn't last). To me, a grandfather is a little rough around the edges, and a man I ceased to know much at all about until recently, and who I lost too soon.

On the other hand, there is also the grandmother. A grandmother is a sweet but chaotic woman who would give anything or do anything to make those she loves happy. She is the one who always has a kitchen full of food and never lets you have a visit without a snack - not that I personally minded - and also the woman who would hesitantly rewind the VHS of every children's film I loved, even though I had relentlessly watched the same one several days straight. She is the woman I too often took for granted and who often lost her patience with my pre-teen moodiness. My grandmother, much like my grandfather, taught me many things. She showed me how to be creative, while he reminded me to stay within the lines. She taught me that I could do whatever I put my mind to, and encouraged my artistic mindset. Again, I lost her far too soon.

Together, they were my cheerleaders. They listened to and read my stories, and hung my drawings up on the refrigerator like any stereotypical happy family would.

Sadly, I wish thosee memories were all I had to associate with grandparents. However, I struggle to fully recall the times where thinking of them didn't nearly (or actually) bring me to tears.

To me, grandparents are not forever. To me, grandparents are the crutches that hold you up, or training wheels that help you move forward; they might get annoying, but you wouldn't be able to do what you wanted to do without them.

But someday, you'll no longer need those crutches or training wheels. Someday you're going to go to the doctor and they will tell you you can walk on your own again, or you'll go outside and find that your parents decided it was the day you would have to learn how to ride a bike with no support.

The truth is, I was too young to understand either of my grandparents' deaths. I was about eight or so when my grandpa died, and about eleven when my grandma followed. They were both taken by cancer of various forms. I didn't even know what any of it meant when my family lost them. But now I do.

I know that reading or seeing anything about cancer or losing family in general causes tears to bubble up and I have to wonder why the world must be so cruel. I know that it's a part of life, but in some ways, I feel like I've just now begun to grieve.

Now that I am 19 years old, I've realized that sometimes things change, and there is no possible way to keep it in your grasp. To try and stop change is to stand in front of a tornado and wish it away. Useless.

Losing my grandparents was not ever hard on me the way it was on my family, and I ache for them. I ache for people daily who lose their loved ones, even those loved ones I can't completely relate with such as parents and siblings - I ache.

Today, I know that I am lucky to have the family that I do, and I am thankful. I miss my grandparents everyday, and from time to time they will approach me in my thoughts, such as right now.

My grandparents were a team of which one cooked soup and spaghetti better while the other was surely the master of grilled cheese and breakfast. They were crazy and dysfunctional in their own ways, but I loved them. Having them gave me two friends I didn't have to search for, and will always have in my thoughts.

I love you guys.