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Health and Wellness

To The Girl Still Learning How To Love Herself

I know how you feel.

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To The Girl Still Learning How To Love Herself
Tokkoro

Hey, don't worry.

I know that sounds like some pathetic phrase said by someone who doesn't understand, but I need you to listen to me. As hard as it is, you need to take a deep breath and see things in perspective.

Depression and anxiety make things seem way more serious than they are. I remember in high school I sobbed in the nurse's office for an hour because I failed a project. I thought it was the end of my academic career. But here I am, in college and on the Dean's list.

I thought my worth depended on a multitude of rather irrelevant things. Whether or not boys liked me, whether or not a specific boy liked me, how many people I said hello to in the hallway, etcetera.

Don't even get me started on schoolwork!

I still remember that crushing feeling of dread when a pep rally was approaching. I knew that I had no one to sit next to. In those moments, when the darkness threatened to completely overtake me, I hated myself. Not just normal hatred, like the kind you reserve to the too-tall kid who sits in front of you, but blinding dark fury that made me want to end it all.

Now, in college, everyone sits alone in the cafeteria. It's rarer to see someone who always has a dinner buddy than someone watching Netflix on their phone. I think of the girl I was, and I want to hug her and assure her not to worry. In the end, it doesn't matter.

Even now, in college, I encounter moments like this. A group of friends are hanging out and I wasn't invited. My heart drops in my chest. I mess up an essay or a song, and I want to quit school and become a mountain hermit.

But then I remember the feeling of moving on, and I embrace it.

Loving yourself isn't that easy. I'm still learning how to start. You know how I feel, and it kind of really sucks.

We'll get there. It might take a lifetime, but we will. One day.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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