It's human nature to want to be accepted and included. We are social beings who thrive in groups. Starting from a young age, we work hard to develop and strengthen friendships with those around us.
For a lot of people, creating and developing meaningful friendships isn't exactly a walk in the park. This issue stems from the toxic mindset of how we base our value off of how "popular/unpopular" we are. We take it to heart if a friend suddenly stops talking to us. We place so much blame on ourselves if we get into a fight with a friend. We torment ourselves if we just can't seem to make more friends and remain in a state of confusion as to why this may be.
There's a lot of us out there who think and feel this way, myself included. So, to the girl who is trying yet tired, this is for you.
Dear, you,
I know things have not been that easy for you lately, as you're still in a state of self-growth and discovery. You feel the excessive need to try to please everyone, even if that means putting yourself second. Friendship has never been your strong suit. You, unfortunately, gravitated towards the wrong people your whole childhood and later into young adulthood. You were just "too nice," many said. But what's wrong with that?
However, if any good has come from meeting the wrong people, it is the fact that you have managed to meet a few right ones, despite it all. You have made a good amount of meaningful, true friends who have shown nothing but kindness and love. People like that are hard to find and are more valuable than gold. Protect them like such.
Though it is hard, you have to remember that you can't please everyone. People sometimes just won't like you no matter how kind you are or how much you've done for them. It's just the way it is. And it cuts more when it's coming from someone you considered as a best friend. I should know, I've been there many, many times.
But you know what?
None of this is your fault. You are a kind, good-hearted soul who deserves equally kind, good-hearted people. Anyone who is fake, jealous, or uses you doesn't deserve to have you in their life. And you are not to blame for that, as hard as that is to believe.
The right people will make an effort to stay, end of story. It may mean losing "friends," but if they're not really your friends is it even a loss? Think about that.
Personally, I'd rather have four quarters than one-hundred pennies...
I guess it's just part of growing up and yes, I say that as a 22-year-old because regardless of what society says, we're all still growing up. The 20s are probably the most fast-paced, confusing times of our life, more-so than our teen years. Nothing is certain right now. Huge changes occur and life gets in the way. And sometimes that means you outgrow people you thought would be in your life forever.
Does that make things hurt any less? Not at all, unfortunately. Yet what helps is knowing that you're not alone in any of this. Everyone, both guys and girls, lose friends.
Probably the most valuable thing I've learned over the years when dealing with the comings and goings of people in my life is to never force it, or tear yourself down trying to fix something that isn't fixable. Don't pour from an empty cup. The only one who will be left empty is you.
If there is anything you should take away from this article, it is this: Your time, energy, and friendship are invaluable. Surround yourself with people who fill you, not drain you. It is better to be alone honestly than with people who don't really care. It's a tough pill to swallow, but so is life.
Never change who you are to fit in. The right people will stay
Sincerely,
The girl who is done losing herself
