Who Is That Girl I See? (Going to Commencement Ceremony) | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Who Is That Girl I See? (Going to Commencement Ceremony)

A reflection on graduation anxiety and change

5
Who Is That Girl I See? (Going to Commencement Ceremony)
WVTF Public Radio

Last Friday, I graduated from university I called home for four amazing years. As the commencement date approached, I kept wondering when the finality of it all would hit me. Finals flew by, I received pictures of my family's newly furnished apartment, the promise of a new beginning awaited me…but I wasn’t ready to close this old chapter of my life. I wrapped myself in a safety blanket of optimistic numbness, parting ways with friends as if I’d see them again the next semester, eating and laughing together like always. I brushed off loneliness and disappointment whenever I learned who had already left campus or saw their Facebook photos posted from airplane windows. I blocked out my emotions and made sure I felt nothing so that leaving would hurt less.

Would the emotional dam finally burst at commencement? Or would I continue to feel the same emptiness?

It happened a few hours before commencement. I took in my appearance in the bathroom mirror as I tried on my complete cap-and-gown set for the first time. I expected myself to break down crying. That was a typical response to graduating and leaving behind everyone you love, right? But that never happened. Instead, I stared at my reflection in muted confusion. Beneath the oversized cap, I still looked the same as ever: the same height, the same messy hair, the same young-looking face ensuring that I’ll be carded till I’m 40…but I somehow couldn’t recognize the girl gazing back at me. The girl who was confused by conflicting parts of her identity was now comfortable with the dualities. The girl who felt weighed down and repressed by societal expectations was now less afraid to express herself. The girl who felt like she wasn’t doing anything productive with her life despite her academic accomplishments was now able to see how valuable she was to the people around her.

I experienced a similar realization a year before. I was walking back to my dorm one afternoon when I spotted a small cocoon suspended on the staircase wall by transparent silk. The fact that it would someday hatch and reveal a butterfly (or maybe a moth, I wasn't sure) fascinated me. I became obsessed with checking it every time I passed, hoping to witness the ultimate moment when the cocoon would break and free its slumbering occupant. This became routine for months until one spring day, when I wondered out loud when it would ever hatch, my classmate pointed out that the cocoon was already empty. I never noticed the small opening at its back where the newly reformed creature must have crawled out after completing its biological makeover. All those months, I’d been zealously checking an empty husk, a mere remnant of the past, and was therefore unable to notice that the transformation had already occurred.

I realized that I shouldn’t how my future would change me because the changes have already occurred. Clinging to the past would only hold me back from further growth and transformation, so I released my anxiety and accepted what was happening around me. Instead of sadness, I felt proud and ready to walk away. It was so bizarre and yet so satisfying.

Moving on from this chapter of my life doesn’t mean I can’t reminisce on the past. Nothing I experienced is truly permanent. The memories, campus and precious friends I’ve made will always be there when I wish to return to them. Knowing this, I could comfortably leave the safety of my former cocoon behind and flutter among the clouds to start a new journey.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

181012
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

7941
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

453002
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

23605
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments