As a young adult, there are many things I carry physically and emotionally. What I carry as a young adult is my childhood memories going back over and over in my head, how life used to be so great before I became a young woman, although I carry a lot of emotional baggage. Not all of us can be so strong but some of us are the most outspoken people.
The thing I carry is betrayal and trust. I will tell you the reason behind that. When you feel like you had a best friend but found out she wasn't your true friend whatsoever, she decided to stab me right in the back. That's when my whole trust was broken and everything just snowballed from there. I can say that life wasn't all that easy. I wish I can just forgive and forget but at the end of the day, I can't. I let this person make me feel like I was nothing and feeling like that isn't a good feeling. I think no one should make anyone feel like they are nothing. And I don't want anyone either to hurt also. I take these two emotions and put it into something positive so that I feel very strong and better about myself as a person.
The other emotion I carry is regret. This emotion is a hard thing to explain. This is the emotion that basically makes me wanna share my story. I don't really talk about what happened because at this point it is nothing to talk about anymore but now I am glad to share my story so I can let everyone know why I feel like this. Let's just say you fall in love with someone that wasn't really up to your standards as a person, so then you think he loves you but everything was a lie... Sadly I felt for that. I was nothing but lies, but it was not okay for someone to mentally and emotionally abuse me. I went on days upon days thinking what did I do to deserve the things he did to me. For the man he claims he was, I don't think he was cheating, and saying hurtful things to me doesn't make anything better when people break up!. I replay everything he says to me sometimes in my head hearing this from someone was not the best thing in the world especially someone you loved.
All I can remember or see on my phone what he said " IF YOU WANT ANY RAZORS LET ME KNOW WE HAVE PLENTY" I honestly could not have a response for that. It made me feel like no one wanted me here, but then I saw he wrote another text and it said: "3rd times is a charm" at that point I had no words I can't even explain what I was feeling right then and there. I just wish I knew why someone had to say hurtful words to make me feel like I had to take my own life. like I didn't just struggle with this one time this was the second time, till this day I carry regret but you know sometimes you can achieve anything in life and be learning a great lesson: That no one in the world boy, or girl, plus your boyfriend or girlfriend, should ever make you feel like your worthless 'cause let me tell you you're more than you think and everyone should realize this.
People ask about my tattoos. These are very emotional things I carry around with me for the rest of my life. these tattoos bring me strength as a person. I have one on my left wrist that says "my story; isn't over" this means that I been through plenty of obstacles in my life and I tried to end the story so It makes me feel like I shouldn't end it I should keep writing it. My second tattoo I have is on my right arm, This one has birds going up it saying "warrior" This one is my favorite tattoo of all times the meaning behind this one is I finally realize that trying to end my life last year was a hard battle to fight but in the end, I won. We all have that one person we look up too, the person i look up too is Demi Lovato she also has the same tattoo as me but hers say's "Faith" and mine says "warrior" I decide to put warrior because I am a brave soldier for all the things I have experienced in life and it makes me feel like I can conquer anything as a person. Being who I am today I would never trade it for the world, if it wasn't for all those obstacles last year I wouldn't be stronger than I was. do I regret what I did? the answer is no because if I didn't try to commit suicide and overcome that I wouldn't be who I am now. it makes me feel like a whole new person I would never change who I am today or tomorrow.
I just want people to know be you and never change who you are, because the real you is so much better than pretending you're someone you're not! Everyone out there: Do not let anyone tell you differently because the only opinion that matters is yours. Also just know you have so much to offer.
I am the girl who became a warrior.
