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11 Things To Get Your Clingy, Needy Significant Other This Holiday Season

Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that just won't leave you alone? Unsure of what to get them for Christmas because you secretly can't stand them? Look no further!

Karina Teichert

Nov 30, 2018

Alpharetta, Georgia

1512

11 Things To Get Your Clingy, Needy Significant Other This Holiday Season

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At least once in your life, you're going to encounter a person in your life (most likely your partner) who's unbelievably clingy to the point of being so unbearable that you just want to scream. If this is the case for you this Christmas, here are some not-so-subtle gifts to tell them to back off.

1. Roses

Get them a bouquet of roses, but add a personal touch. Rip the actual flower parts off so that all you're left with is stem, thorns, and pain. When they inevitably come over to your house to pester you, shove the thorn-bouquet in their hands and explain to them the symbolism of the thorns ("This represents all of the angst you've caused me!") Then, when they're on the brink of tears, explain to them that it was all a joke.

2. A Locket

Because they're clearly so obsessed with you, buy them a cheap little locket (to represent your dingy love for them) and put a picture of yourself in it. If you want to go the extra mile, put a lock of hair in it. This gift really shows that you care because you went out of your way to cut off your hair so that they wouldn't have to.

3. A Restraining Order

If you really want to tell them how you feel, nix the sentimental stuff and go straight to court. File a restraining order because they can't seem to leave you the hell alone. Be sure to throw in a "I'm sorry it's come to this" for extra guilt for them and one final twinge of self-satisfaction for you.

4. A Body Pillow

This is for those nights when they just won't shut up about wanting to be near you. Whenever you're on vacation and aren't there with them, cram a body pillow in their bed so they can at least have some semblance of human contact.

5. Plane Tickets

Buy them a plane ticket for a luxury getaway as far from you as possible. Book them a trip to Japan and say "Sayonara" to your annoying love koala. (Hey, maybe the plane'll even crash and then you could really get away from them!)

6. An Extremely Heavy Coat

Get them the heaviest coat they've ever had in their lives. With any luck, while you're walking around in the mall, it'll slow them down enough to the point where you'll actually have some personal space.

7. Steel-Toed Boots

This one is actually for YOU! Treat yourself to some nice steel-toed boots for those days when you just want to kick them to get them off of you. (As annoying as they are, don't actually do that. You might get arrested.)

8. Tickets for A Cruise

Book them tickets for a cruise "around the world." Those take forever and hey, maybe when they're out and about, exploring the planet, they'll find someone else! Let them be someone else's problem for a while.

9. Go To Disney

Go to Disney with them. Ride a ride. At the very top of the coaster, push them off (but make it look like an accident!) If that doesn't work, ditch them in a crowded spot and get the next flight out of there.

10. Take them to the Grand Canyon

Take them on a romantic trip to the Grand Canyon. When you get to the lookout point, casually mention that you forgot your backpack and that you'll be right back. Never return.

11. Another Cell Phone

Encourage them to cheat on you and find someone else by getting them another cell phone and "turning a blind eye." Download Tinder onto the phone. Leave extremely "subtle" hints.

*Disclaimer: This is satire. Please do not do any of these things. If you have a clingy partner, please be nice to them and try to understand. Love and cherish them. If you really do have to break up with someone, please don't file a restraining order or do it over text.*

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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11 Things To Get Your Clingy, Needy Significant Other This Holiday Season

Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that just won't leave you alone? Unsure of what to get them for Christmas because you secretly can't stand them? Look no further!

1. Roses

2. A Locket

3. A Restraining Order

4. A Body Pillow

5. Plane Tickets

6. An Extremely Heavy Coat

7. Steel-Toed Boots

8. Tickets for A Cruise

9. Go To Disney

10. Take them to the Grand Canyon

11. Another Cell Phone

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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