Ghosting: The Newest Relationship Epidemic? | The Odyssey Online
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Relationships

Ghosting: The Newest Relationship Epidemic?

What it is and why it's probably one of the worst things you could do to someone.

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Ghosting: The Newest Relationship Epidemic?
Femsplain

Given how ever popular digital forms of communication have become in today's society, especially in the world of friendships, relationships, and those that linger somewhere in the middle, an otherwise not described territory, it's no wonder that ghosting has become an even bigger epidemic than ever before.

You know how the story goes: you're talking to someone, all is going well (or so it seems), and next thing you know, they've dropped off the face of the planet without a trace. Maybe you're still friends on Facebook and maybe they still follow you on Instagram, but all of those double (or triple or quadruple) texts and Snaps still go unanswered. Whether you take the hint or you're a little more like me and refuse to actually just let someone ignore you (please just have the nerve to tell me how you feel -- I'm not made of glass, I promise I can handle it and it'll save us both plenty of pride and awkward texts), there's a pretty big chance that either you or someone you know has fallen prey to ghosting.

Ghosting: The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject's maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

I'm going to preface this by saying that I am not entirely innocent of this. I have been the person that was both too scared to tell someone how they really felt and too scared to hurt someone's feelings to be able to be as honest with them as I should have been. So by no means am I trying to write this as though I'm an amazing person who has never done this to someone, because I have, but unlike a lot of people in this world, I'm actually truly sorry for it. Because, now that I've been on both ends of it, now that I've been the "ghoster" and the "ghostee," it's given me a whole new perspective into it, and it definitely was not a pretty one. Emotionally damaging and embarrassing doesn't really even begin to cover it. So, to those that I've ever ghosted, I am truly sorry for it, and to those of you who ghosted me, I hope you can someday come to feel the same way.

As someone who has always been the sort of person that needed closure, ghosting has never sat particularly well with me. I'm the kind of person who always wants answers, who always needs to know why, even if I know I'm not going to want to hear it. Don't want me around anymore? That's fine. Want me to stop texting you? Also totally fine. But do me a favor and tell me. Even if I can take the hint, I will still continue to text because I want those answers, and if you cared enough about me once upon a time, you at least owe it to me to explain why things are different now. I understand that you're only human and feelings change and that's okay. I also understand that I'm only human and make irreparable mistakes, and if you want to hate me for those, that's also okay. I'll be right there with you on some of those situations, but it just comes back around to the one thing that ghosting doesn't involve: telling me why.

There are few things worse than ghosting that you can really do to someone. They never get closure and they're stuck wondering why. Was it something they did or was it just something you did all along? They don't know whether or not to take the hint and just move on with their life or do they keep trying in case you just happen to be busy and you can't get to your phone right then and there? Even though the latter actually does tend to be true on occasion, don't leave someone clinging to that slim hope, because most of the times, that's not the case.

If you're not interested anymore and you want to move on with your life, that's perfectly fine. No one (except maybe their select group of best friends) is really going to hate you for it, and by telling them the truth, they get that same chance to bounce back and move on. But, if you never tell them, they'll never know, and it's going to take them way longer to get past it than they really need to. You want to move on with your life and so do they, so wouldn't it just make the most sense to take whatever route was easiest to get to this point? You would think so, but surprisingly, given how common ghosting has become, either that is the easiest route (spoiler alert: it's really not, especially in the long run) or we're all just making things far more complicated than they need to be.

So, the next time you think about ghosting someone, just don't. Don't do it. Life isn't a soap opera and it doesn't need to be. If you can't be honest with someone, you shouldn't be getting involved with them, so either cut your losses in advance or be the bigger person and learn some crucial lessons in honesty. Whatever the case happens to be, don't make ghosting an option, because really, it shouldn't be.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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