What exactly is ghosting?

Ghosting refers to the act of totally vanishing from somebody’s life after being relatively involved with that person, especially romantically (and sometimes platonically). The ghost will either immediately or gradually cease communication until any means of texting or a primary method of contact has diminished to almost nothing – if that.

People may "ghost" the person they have been flirting with (or casually dating) for several reasons. For example, they may fear commitment and just up and run away in order to avoid the obligation of being with and there for somebody. Also, it could be as straightforward as the individual losing interest in the other person. In order to avoid sparking confrontation or being directly responsible for hurting the other person, the ghost simply vanishes into thin air.

Another possible reason for ghosting someone is a general discomfort with the situation. Ghosting allows one to refrain from voicing this concern and bypass the awkwardness that might follow.

Fear and disinterest are the two most common forces that drive ghosts to do what they do. But do these two things excuse the mental damage that ghosting can impinge upon the ghosted person? Absolutely not!

As someone who has both ghosted and been ghosted, I can personally attest to a simple fact: ghosting hurts. It leaves you wondering where you went wrong, what you could have done differently, if you can ever talk to that person again, if you should ever open up to anyone in the near future.

I was ghosted by somebody who I had been talking to for a little while, and we had plans to hang out the very next day. All of a sudden, I never heard back from that person in the same tone again. I didn’t even realize that I was being ghosted at first but after not hearing a response for a few days, the message was clear. I saw that person a few more times after that and I still follow them on social media, but it’s just not the same.

It’s been a year and I still carry traces of resentment and fear that the next person who comes along will do something similar.

As for my ghosting stories, they most often revolve around failed Tinder trials (Tinder is a dating app, for those of you who aren’t familiar). Sometimes I’ll stop replying after I get bothered or it’s clear that I’m not going to get anywhere with that person. For the most part, though, I cannot ignore or ghost someone because I feel too guilty. I know what being ghosted feels like and I don’t like to do it to others if I can help it.

Of course, there are some instances where ghosting is acceptable, such as when you are being harassed by a creep or you’ve only been talking to someone for a couple days and you haven’t yet established expectations.

For the most part, you shouldn’t ghost someone.

Be selfish and put your needs first, but don’t disregard about the other person’s emotion health and needs altogether.

Use the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated. Bottom line: don’t ghost. It can hurt much more than you think.