The dating world is a spooky place. Ghosting has been happening left and right. An Elle Magazine survey found that the majority of respondents had either ghosted, been ghosted or both! In fact, I am totally the culprit of ghosting someone and have in turn been ghosted as well. So, if this is happening so often, can't we all just be a little more polite about it? Here is what you need to know about ghosting.
What is ghosting?
Recommended for you
In the dating world, "ghosting" is a word typically used in place of "the slow fade out." Basically, it's completely cutting off all communication with someone that the subject is dating, but does not want to anymore. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just "get the hint" and leave you alone, instead of just straight up telling the person that you are not interested in them. It's justified as a way to not hurt their feelings, but it proves that you are thinking more about yourself because it normally just causes confusion for the person being ghosted.
Ghosting no-nos.
If you are in a relationship with someone and it has been official, do not ghost them. If you've been casually seeing each other for a few months and don't see it going anywhere, do not ghost them. If you make plans to meet up with them (with a time and place), do not ghost them. Here's the thing, guys...it's as simple as saying you just aren't interested. I'd say a general window in which it's OK to ghost someone would be if you've been on less than three dates.
And please, for the love all that is pure, if you've ghosted, do not come back. Don't come back out of the blue one day texting "Sup?" This usually means one of three things: you are looking for someone to soothe your guilty conscience, you tried it out with someone else and it didn't work out, or you are now ready for a relationship, which means you've assumed that they've been waiting around for you. Don't do it.
When it's OK to ghost.
If you are in a toxic or otherwise abusive relationship, ghost and ghost hard. Sometimes, the only way to get out of these types of relationships is to completely cut off contact. Don't let this kind of ghosting haunt you, because this is a good ghost. Like Casper.
Signs you are being ghosted.
If they always cancel plans, you're probably being ghosted. If they start replying less and their replies are short, you're probably being ghosted. If you just don't hear from them whatsoever, you're probably being ghosted. If they've completely dropped off the face of the Earth and have deleted their account (like on, uhh, Tinder), you're probably being ghosted.
How to handle it.
Being ghosted is never fun. It leaves you wondering if you did something wrong or if they are OK. Seriously, never hearing from someone after you think something is going well can make you think something terrible happened to them. But if you are ever ghosted, don't beat yourself up about it. Instead, be thankful that relationship is over. A lot of the time, people who disappear without a trace can be terrible with confrontation and have a lot of trouble articulating their feelings. In other words, you dodged a bullet, dude. That's not someone you want to be in a relationship with.
Now that the ins and outs of ghosting have (hopefully) been etched in your brain, I leave you to continue out into the world of (Internet) dating and wish you the best of luck. Happy swiping!
