In about a week, it’ll be that time of year again: Halloween. You’ll see people in Pinterest worthy costumes, from super basic to super creepy. You might even see some ghosts.
Or, you won’t see them, depending on how you look at things.
“Ghosting” is no longer only a term for a kid covered in a sheet with eye holes on October 31st and, sadly, you can't just call the Ghost Busters for help on this one. I took to urban dictionary to research a term introduced to me by a guy who should add this word to the list of attributes on his resume.
Call me your typical girl, whatever, but I could not help but laugh at the accuracy that this definer had when hitting this definition spot on. Sure, it sounds super judgy, maybe a little bitter or biased. But you know what someone’s going to be if they get “ghosted”? Most likely bitter and biased because they don’t know what the heck is going on.
If you ask around, I'm sure you'll find plenty of people willing to spook you with their own personal ghost stories (see what i did there?!). This is more common than it probably should be. The new norm that is “talking” rather than dating leaves a window of opportunity open for the potential ghoster, who shouldn’t have to explain themselves or their disappearance because “talking” means that nothing is set in stone. This new dishonest dating culture which we are slowly accepting as normal is only made easier by the use of dating apps, the act of sliding into DM’s, and the ease of shooting a simple text to communicate instead of approaching someone in person. If you need anymore convincing on the topic, feel free to check out my article on The Death of Dating.
If he/she is going to “go ghost” on you (sounds like Danny Phantom, maybe that’s why it took him so long to land the girl), this definition implies that they expect you to just catch on, no questions asked. Which definitely causes some confusion, should they choose to fade themselves out instead of just cutting someone off cold turkey. That person you’re leading on as you ease yourself away? They will wait for a text, or a message, or even a head nod in public. They will wonder why you’ve begun to disappear and they will not have the heart to text you and ask for fear of being a nuisance. The author who penned this definition definitely got one thing right: Ghosting causes confusion that could easily be avoided if someone just told the truth.
But it’s 2016, and the truth is not so black and white anymore. Social media, dating apps, and the decline of face to face interaction has made it so easy for us all to hide the truth; the truth about how our lives really are, what we’re doing, and how we feel. And this lack of truth has left us with the perfect loopholes in and out of other people’s lives. In theory, it’s a good tactic and an easy out if you’re not looking for anything serious. But that person who is? Well, you’ve most likely put a damper on their day.
Think about it, the next time you begin to plan out your grand, prolonged exit from someone’s life. We’ve turned our own feelings into games of who can care the least, and ghosting is a great way to win. And when someone wins, someone else always has to lose. If you’ve allowed that person to invest enough of himself or herself in you, they will be losing more than you think.
So boys and girls, be careful out there this Halloween, and every other day. Take it upon yourself to rip that sheet right off your future ghosts because, unfortunately, there will always be one or two lurking in your DM’s or your school hallway.
