I won't lie and say getting over your first love is easy. In fact, it's the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. Whether the breakup was mutual or one-sided, it still hurts. When you break up with your first love, it feels like a truck hit you. The pain can be crushing. If they were someone you planned your life with how many kids you were going to have and what their names would be or where you wanted to live when you finished college, it can be even more devastating.
Everything you've ever known has to be reimagined. Do you still want the same things? If you were in a long-term relationship, how do you begin to move on? How do you cope with losing your favorite person? I don't have the answers for you because I'm still figuring them out myself.
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When my boyfriend of over a year and I broke up, I couldn't function. He was my best friend -- the Chandler to my Monica, the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We had plans. We dreamt up our house and our kids and we even pictured a pug named Winston. I couldn't imagine my future without him in it and honestly, I still can't. When you lose someone you've cared so deeply about, it's hard to pick up the pieces and move on even when you know that they've stopped caring about you.
First loves are not generally last loves. I was lucky and found the guy I wanted to be with fairly soon. When you know, you know. However, you never know what the future holds and sometimes it just doesn't work out. It's hard to forgive yourself for losing that person, even if the breakup wasn't your fault. Suddenly, every song on the radio makes you think of them. From "Behind These Hazel Eyes" by Kelly Clarkson to "Friday" by Rebecca Black, you find a hidden meaning in all the lyrics.
You might try and go out with other guys. Sometimes that helps, but sometimes that makes things worse. I know I don't plan on dating for a long time to let my heart heal and to help myself get away from the mindset that my ex is mine. You'll always love them, at least a part of you will. How could you not? A first love is special and they share things with you that they've never shared with anyone else before. You knew them so completely from down to every last freckle on their body to how they felt about certain foods. If you close your eyes, you can still picture their smile and hear their contagious laugh. You can't help but think of the little things like when you went to Target just for fun or that first kiss in his car. You can still feel their arms around you, because at the time it felt like those arms were the only ones meant to hold you.
I'll still love my guy. Even though this is unhealthy, I'll probably compare the next guys to him because no one can measure up to the first guy who made you feel special, wanted, and loved every single day. I'll still miss him. There are things I wish I could tell him and I'll have to remind myself that I can't. And if he's reading this right now, I'd hope maybe he'd want me back and rebuild our life together despite having moved on. I guess it's just natural to think that way. Every kiss is highlighted in your head, and you get nauseous when you think of him with other girls. You question everything that ever happened between you and wonder if it was real. It was.
They say time heals all wounds. I hope that's true because every day that goes by without hearing from him feels like a knife in my chest. I was long distance and that might help me move on since I don't run the risk of bumping into him, yet I still yearn to see him every single day. Love sucks, huh? The only thing keeping me going is knowing this: Monica got over Richard and found Chandler. Buffy got over Angel and saved the world. Although they are fictional characters, I know that if they can do it so can I. Just maybe not the save the world part. Getting over your first love is awful and terrifying. However, you'll be able to do it eventually.
