This has been a hard year. Many people have those kinds of moments, days and even months. Some, like my family, even have those kinds of years. If there is one thing I have learned from this devastating year it is to keep going. Even when it seems impossible. There is always a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
1. My mom
I want my mom to know I am trying. I try so hard and some days I don't win, and that's okay too. But my mom reminds me every day we have to keep pushing on and live our lives. So when I'm struggling to get up in the mornings I think of her. I think of all she has been through and remind myself "if she can do it, so can I."
2. My sisters
My sisters have been through just as much as I have. If they see me struggling and not doing anything then I am setting a bad example for them. I need to be strong and remind them it's okay to be weak but we also need to keep moving and remember who we are as people. I love those girls and would go to the ends of the earth for them.
3. My friends
My friends keep me going and active. They give me reasons to do things, which gets me up and moving during the day. They let me cry and scream when I have had enough and they let me sit in silence when the world is to much. The make me laugh until it hurts and they help me make the best memories to cover up the ugly ones. I would be no where without my friends.
4. That's what my dad would want
Daddy never wanted anyone to be sad. He wanted to be propped up next to the jukebox with a cold beer in his had. I try to make him proud every day, even though I know he already is.
5. School
I want to me and educator so bad. Despite how much crap keeps getting thrown at me I love going to class, I love learning new things that I can use to apply to my future students. It is one thing that excites me every day.
6. My Girl Scout troop
I loved being a scout. I was a scout for 10 years and now I have the honor of being a leader to beautiful, intelligent, inquisitive, young super stars who will change the world. Seeing them every Friday and teaching them new things and learning and growing with them is beautiful.
7. My Odyssey team
Being Editor in Chief for Ohio University's Odyssey Team has broadened my experiences and tested my abilities. Communicating with my team and being apart of something special and creative has given me a new outlook on life. I get to read my creators experiences and I get to help them be the best they can be and it helps me be the best person I can be and learn from them.
8. My future students
I have already learned a lot in my education courses and I know I have much more to learn. Part of being an excellent educator is being able to bring experience to your classroom, and I want my students to know that it is okay to struggle and need help. But you also need to remember to keep yourself grounded as well, so the world doesn't crumble around you.
9. Myself
I know that I am greater than whatever battle is playing inside of my head and my body. I can overcome and defeat whatever aggression is trying to destroy me. I don't care if they medicate me to help me, I will still remind myself every day of who I am and why I am greater than what is happening.
10. Everyone watching me
I have this desire to prove to everyone that I can do this. That I can put on a mask and pretend to be okay so the whispering and pointing will stop. So everyone will stop hugging me and giving me the "I'm sorry" looks. I want them to know that I don't need that. I am okay, even when I'm not, and I know they are watching, and they will never see me stumble.
Life is hard, and we are so strong. But sometimes we all need a reminder on why we keep on keeping on. Don't be afraid to cry darlings, and don't be afraid to give a big middle finger in the air to everyone watching you. I believe in you, and I know we can survive.
sunrise
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bonfire friends
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sadness
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purple skies
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