Getting Into Shape Sounds Good, But Cleaning Up My Language Seems Even More Unrealistic This New Year | The Odyssey Online
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Getting Into Shape Sounds Good, But Cleaning Up My Language Seems Even More Unrealistic This New Year

New Year Resolutions are just the worst, but I'll try to do a few things (and won't try a few more).

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Getting Into Shape Sounds Good, But Cleaning Up My Language Seems Even More Unrealistic This New Year
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Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Prospero año, and all that other happy stuff we say right before 2017's Fat Lady sing it from the rooftops. One year in and other out. Twice as many as the vast majority of creators with whom I share this Odyssey Online platform at Eastern Michigan University. Talk with them or read their submissions, and they'll list off hopeful and admirable goals/resolutions for 2018.

Years of failed resolutions have imparted me with the wisdom that New Year's Resolutions are pointless. As a rule of thumb, most will not accomplish the goals they laid out for the coming year. Some will, and more power to them, but it's all wishful thinking and thinking the turn of the year is anything other than the reason for a spike in calendar sales (I get mine free from my church).

I stopped making resolutions a while ago, but not because I know I'll fail. It has more to do with my interest and the idea that if I really l wanted to make a change, I'd have done so already. That said, I always have a running list of minor changes I'd like to affect. And, with some humor, I have a minor list of things others often try to accomplish, but I know damn well it's not for me.

First, the three things I won't do:

1. Stop drinking pop

While it's always my goal to cut it out, I'll strive for reducing the amount.
Cutting out is too drastic and sometimes good pizza demands a cold, fizzy beverage, whether it a local craft beer or a delicious combination of Mountain Dew and grenardine.

2. Embrace temperance


In the words of Smokey, "I was jus' bullshittin', and you know this, man!" The good Lord on high put alcohol on this Earth for us. Take advantage. Oh, take advantage, but be responsible.

3. Refrain from swearing

What the shit is this about, you might? Well, truth be told, I've got a mouth so f*ckin' vulgar, I can make a sailor blush. And why should I give up profanity? Serves me pretty well in times of great stress. Stubbing my toes, for example. Nothing helps that out like an impressively long string of obscenities.

Side note: does anyone even get the "make a sailor blush" reference? No? Damn, my age is showing.

However, I may just embrace a few of things, or at least I want to. They have little or nothing to do with New Year's Resolutions. Some I've wanted to commit for a while, but my free time has been almost non-existent.

So, here are three things I might do if the stars align:

1. Get in shape (one other than round)

It's not that I need the most delicious butt or the washboard abs, but I like being outdoors. I like shooting some hoops with friends. I miss going for a run to destress from a bad mood. I enjoy being active and I'm currently so out of shape that walking up stairs is harder work than I'd care to admit. However, whether or not I actually start remains to be seen.

2. Make memories and share experiences with friends

Visiting a new country sounds like just what the doctor ordered, but I'll be content with camping as close as Michigan's upper peninsula. Doesn't have to be far, but it has to be removed. It has to be an adventure. And it has to incorporate beloved friends.

3. Be more judicious with my spending

From where I'm currently sitting, I'm ashamed at the amount of visible "stuff" in my view that I blatantly don't need nor even use enough to justify the purchase


What are your thoughts on Resolutionists? Are you one of 'em? What are your resolutions, if any?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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