This particular horse has been beaten to an unidentifiable pulp and for good reason. It is a social crime on par with oppression of all kinds and is a wound that must be mended in order to make America great again TM. The lack of spatial awareness of sidewalk-walkers is baffling. Stopping suddenly and standing idly amidst crowds of busy people should be punished with any form of force from looks of scorn to the most aggressive of shoulder bumps.

Do not mistake my call to action as mere hyperbole. I am directly asking for the incitement of violence towards these absent minded offenders. The problem isn’t in how crowded this city is, as many have claimed. Look to the efficiency of densely populated Eastern countries for evidence to suggest otherwise. This problem stems from a widespread contamination of a shear lack of empathy. Lord knows where it came from. Probably something in the water. Add it to the roster of things we blame on GMO’s if it’ll get the job done.

As Americans-neigh- as humans, we need to rise against this embellished sense of entitlement in order to restore the core values that have united us in times of struggle. No longer can we go on with our day standing in the shadows of awe-inspired tourists that hog the sidewalks, armed linked with one another as if their travel experience is wholly unique and Wizard-of-Oz-esque. We simply cannot stand for it.

This problem, just like many others, isn’t exclusive to the streets. Go to any Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s and just about every other store to see what I mean. As people scurry about in frantic panic to buy overpriced health food to compensate for how unhealthy they are there are shopping carts galore that go unattended. You know they belong to someone because you can see the hoards of Doritos and Ice Cream and, of course, diet soda. Have these people no sense of order? I’d ask if they were raised on farms but it would be an insult to the hardworking efficiency of those in the agricultural department.

If this seems like a non-issue to you then you’re most likely part of the problem and I urge you to power down whatever device you’re currently reading this on and to thrust your face into it until you’ve either learned your lesson or loss too many brain cells to inconvenience more people who are just trying to get somewhere on time. There is no excuse for adults to behave in such egregiously careless ways.

So to anyone listening. This is the time to take arms and stand for what is arguably the biggest problem we currently face. Who knows what mayhem lies in our future if we remain docile in the face of such issues. Issues that demand urgency. If we let this behavior slide then who are we to judge anyone? Being an American is about opening our arms to the world and inviting them to be subjected to the same aggression that we all must face out in the world.