I recently was browsing through my social media platforms and I came across this picture with a rather vulgar word choice but with a powerful message. It went as followed "Unfuck Yourself." While some people might take offense to that it had an impact on me. Essentially what that post meant is to go back to the way you were before everything happened and changed you for the worse.
Over the course of the last month, I haven't been myself. Not many people would really know this except for a select few, but I knew it all along. I was hit with many obstacles over the last month that truly just messed up my mindset. My Pop-Pop dying put me into a survival mode mindset that I didn't even take the time to cope. I just thought about the "What's next?" part of it all. It took me a solid month before I just sat down and actually thought about what happened. It was easier to think that he wasn't gone and simply was just visiting somewhere else but that's a lie, I told myself to make things easier. I continued on with my life living day in and day out without ever coping with the actual events. (Let me tell you that is far from healthy to do). Once I finally took the time one night at 3 am to go through all the mourning, grieving and confusion stages all at once, I was finally on my first step to "Unfucking" myself.
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I wish I could say that was the only thing I had to deal with for the last month but it wasn't. The passing of my Pop-Pop has impacted everyone in my family greatly and we were left with a lot of financial issues. If anyone reading this has ever had to deal with the struggle of not having money and having bills or mortgages or anything rather expensive building up on top of them it's going to drive you nuts and is highly stressful and anxiety inducing. You wake up worrying about it and you go to sleep worrying about it, which leads me back to the mindset of "What's next?" I can't say you can really cope with any of this, but it's more of taking it one step at a time.
Finally, something good happens in this month but it comes with a sour taste. I was officially accepted into a fantastic school for Journalism, "Hofstra University." While I am extremely excited to attend because I worked so hard to get where I am academically. I am also faced with the huge financial burden of paying tuition and I have yet to figure out what I am going to do about that. However, that's okay.
While this last month was filled with unfortunate events, I am finally back to a stable mindset and ready to move on and figure out what I am doing with my life. The biggest thing I can do now is to take it one step at a time. Nothing happens overnight so it's better to plan for it. While I may not be able to control the future and I may not be able to figure out all the financial problems, I can honestly say that I have "Unfucked" myself over these last two weeks and I think that should count for something.
It's not easy trying to figure things out alone. Find someone you trust and can talk about anything to and it makes the whole process that much easier!
