My bed is my happy place. It is placed perfectly in my room to give me the optimal amount of air flow from the air conditioning unit, with each pillow placed just right in its certain spot and my multitude of blankets. I have spent years cultivating the optimal sleeping experience. Unfortunately for me in 7th grade I had a science teacher tell me you lose about 2000 skin cells in your sleep every night, she then expanded on that thought and told us about all the bacteria and dead skin that accumulates in your bed over the course of a few days. This horrifying thought put me into multiple bed care habits, one of which is the sacred no outside clothes on my bed rule.

If you could stop rolling your eyes long enough to bear with me, think about all the different things you sit on/in during the day. You go to school or work and sit in a chair there, the same chair that hundreds of other butts have sat in. Then you get in your car and head to the gym. You spend an hour in the gym sweating and cursing (because cardio is hardio) and come out to collapse into your car. So in addition to your own butt sweat, you've also added everyone else who has gone to the gym's butt sweat, on top of the dirt from all the other people who sat in any chair before you did. Just sitting in all those germs and dead skin cells and bacteria as you reward yourself for going to the gym with a quality jam out to the Chainsmoker and Halsey banger "Closer". You come home and what do you do?

Collapse on your bed? With all those skin cells that aren't yours, the butt sweat that may or may not be yours, and any other germs you may have picked up on public transit or just being in a public place. The same bed in which you spend 6-8 hours of tranquil sleep? NO, my friends, that is borderline criminal. It's already bad enough we have to pull ourselves out of bed but to contaminate it? And that is just with yourself. So when a guest comes over, you mean to tell me you're willing to subject yourself to whatever they have collected throughout the day?

My friends and roommates all joke they're going to go sit on my bed in their outside clothes when I'm being more annoying than usual, and that is usually a frightening enough notion to cause me to behave myself.

I'm sure you're sitting there considering the validity of my no outside clothes rule, but you're skeptical because that seems like a lot of work to change clothes to get into bed. The trick is to have a drawer full of comfy clothes (my inside clothes drawer), be it your underwear drawer, a pajama drawer, clean active wear, whatever. This way you can establish the routine of keeping your bed as clean as possible between weekly sheet washings.

Studies show that showering before bed can help improve your bedtime routine and make it easier to fall asleep faster. Hopping in the shower before you get in bed guarantees you're at your cleanest before crawling in between the sheets and drifting off to the dream world where there is no limit to the puppies you can have (looking at you Rach, still holding onto 11) There are also studies that suggest if you do wakeful activities (Netflix binging, writing a paper, or just socializing) in your bed. Your brain should only associate your bed with the act of sleeping (or other more intimate things, not my business just throwing it out there) because then when you get in bed your body automatically begins to prepare for sleep. It also lowers productivity to do work in bed. That's what couches are for, and living rooms are way more conducive to 30-second dance parties with your equally stressed out roommates in between power study hour (hi mom and dad, I'm super studious and having zero extracurricular fun that doesn't relate to my education).

I know what you're all thinking, well then what about the dog? He lives in his outside clothes, and he gets to go on your bed. Yes but my dog stays on his side of the bed and isn't ever in between my sheets, or on MY pillow (he even stays away from my teddy bear). So all i need to do is a keep a lint roller in my night stand and get his excess fur off the bed before I lay down in it, while also attacking him regularly with the shed catching comb that he runs from for absolutely no reason. Plus there are health benefits to sleeping with your four legged furball. So he is technically the exception to my outside clothes rule (some bacteria is good for the immune system amirite?), and only because he is so darn cute how do you expect me to tell him no?

I'd apologize for the horrors you will now associate with your bed and germs but I'm not sorry. I hope I've converted some of you into fellow "no outside clothers," or at least raised your awareness of washing your sheets often. Your bed is a sacred place, it is where you are at your most vulnerable, most uninhibited, and according to my dad at my sweetest when sleeping. Take care of your bed to take care of your body, its where ya live.