Someone bought me a drink at the bar for my first time a week ago. I mean like the kind you see in movies. Not a guy who was talking to me, but one where the bartender said, “There’s a gentlemen over there who wants to pay for your next drink.”

I peek around to the corner of the bar and got a wave from a gray-haired man with an open polo and sunglasses hanging from the collar. I looked at the bartender and said, “What does this mean?”

Why do movies make it seem like they send over cocktails or martinis? All I had was, “Do you accept this drink?”

Like fack yeah it’s free. So he left an empty shot glass upside down in front of me. My dumbass tried to buy a shot until, luckily, my friend coerced me into getting a drink. I, unashamedly, did not speak to that old man for the rest of the night. The truth is: I love this sh*t about being a woman. I love when dumb men really think I’m careless enough to take their drink and go back with them. And I know there are women who scoff at me and with a great scene deny such drinks and such men, but I say they are wasting a great moment. I used to be one of those women. I had to prove through words and actions that I am the superior gender and would never let a man buy me a drink.

But I’m not.

I love free shit. Alcohol is expensive and there’s nothing more exciting to me than men who are stupid enough to waste upwards of 10 dollars on my vodka-cran. Then they feel proud of my accepting it as I sashay to the opposite side of the room for an even cuter guy to dance with. It’s arguably 10x bitchier than what I could do in telling them to shove the 10 dollars up their ass, but I would also argue that everyone’s having a good time.

At the end of the day this is a short article on my opinion and probably doesn’t matter in the least bit. This is a thank you to all of the women who turn down a man’s drink so that they come to my side of the bar with it in the hopes of a good night, and for allowing me to crush that hope drunker than when I walked in.

Sincerely,

I swear I’m not an alcoholic