We've all been there. The oh-my-goodness-what-did-I-just-do feeling you get after breaking up with someone is almost always inevitable, even if the breakup was justified. It tends to be easier when you have some anger or even hatred in your heart for the person with whom you're ending things. However, there are many times when that is just not the case.
Difficult long distance, lack of time, inability to commit, or sometimes you're just not feeling it anymore. Always remember to put yourself first, even if it is difficult at the moment.
Regardless of whether or not the reasoning behind a breakup was good, it still hurts to lose someone from your life. In relationships, your partner becomes part of your everyday routine, so going from seeing someone every day to not seeing them at all may be disorienting. They are called a significant other for a reason.
Being broken up with definitely hurts more, but the "dumpers" seem to get absolutely no sympathy when they still may be hurting. That being said, how do you get over the breakup that you initiated?
1. Think it through.
The back and forth game in a relationship is never fun, so don't break up with someone just to get back together with them. Respect their emotions, and think it through before you make any harsh decisions. Remember, relationships aren't easy. Just because sometimes things may be difficult doesn't mean you have to throw everything away.
2. Create some distance.
Make it easier on both of you and create distance. As difficult as it is to go from talking and seeing each other every day to not seeing each other at all, it has to be done. Unfollow them on social media and maybe even erase their number. The more you see them, especially once you see them happy, the more you're going to regret the breakup.
3. Remember why you did it.
There will always be that post-breakup stage where you struggle to remember why you ended things. Talk about it with someone you trust or write it down. You're not going to lay in bed at night and reminisce on all of the bad times, and the good memories have the ability to overpower your thoughts. You broke up with them for a reason; remember that.
4. Keep yourself busy.
Surround yourself with friends and family. Fill the gaps in your schedule that used to be occupied by your boyfriend or girlfriend. True friends will be supportive and have your back during this difficult time. Don't mope around missing them or else the recovery period will last even longer. You have to try to get over someone; it doesn't just happen at the snap of a finger.
5. Have some fun.
The phrase "hoe-ing around" definitely has some negative connotations, but there is nothing wrong with meeting new people and putting yourself out there. When you're ready, of course, don't be afraid to go on dates and explore your options. Just because it didn't work out with one person does not mean it couldn't work out with someone else.
6. Acknowledge how you feel.
The absolute worst thing to do is pretend that nothing ever happened and that everything is okay. You are allowed to feel sad, even if it was you who ended the relationship. Cry a little bit, confide in everyone's good friends Ben & Jerry, and really get in tune with your emotions. There will always be sad days, and there will always be happy days.
7. Treat yourself.
The phrase "love yourself so no one has to" is definitely cheesy but it is so valid. Take this time alone to build yourself up to being the best form of yourself possible. Pick up a new hobby that you're passionate about or get in shape, since we all know those late night pizza dates can help add a couple pounds. Each relationship and break up you go through contributes to shaping you into the person that you're meant to become.
8. Rebel a little.
This is my personal favorite stage of a breakup. In a relationship, it is normal for your partner to pull back on your reigns a little bit. Everyone has a crazy side, so cut and dye your hair the way your ex didn't want you to, get that piercing they hate or start dressing the way that you always wanted to. Don't do anything that you will regret, but the person that you're meant to be with will love you regardless of your rebellious decisions.
9. Take up some new responsibilities.
It is undeniably special to be able to care for someone when you are in a relationship, and there is the potential to feel lost when you no longer have that person. Get a fish, take a leadership position in something you're passionate about or even get a job. Put your care into something new to fill the void.
10. Find your priorities.
It is so easy to become consumed by a relationship. Take this time alone to realize what matters most. Focus on your grades, your friends, your family and the permanent things in life. Relationships come and go, but be sure to prioritize those who have always been there for you.
11. Wish them the best.
At the end of the day, you broke up with him or her. Eventually, they will find happiness again. Do not waste energy being bitter and jealous. As hard as it is to let someone go, it is even harder to hold on to something that is no longer there. Remember that if you are able to move on, they are too. Remember that they were special to you and that you cared about them at one point. Wish them the happiness that you are searching for yourself.
A breakup is a breakup. It hurts for both parties no matter what. Although most would see the person who is dumped as the victim, nobody really wins when something in which you invested time is over. When all is said and done, never settle for any less than you deserve in a relationship.
