I want to begin by saying that while my experience in Catholic school was not always the best, it certainly served me well in the end. I am the person I am today because of the life I've had so far and I completely recognize that. I've encountered many amazing people, both teachers and students. I've learned a lot of valuable lessons and made fond memories too. Though for now and in this article, I feel I need to focus on an experience that is very close to me as a person who is gay. It's also important to note that my experience is personal and that I can't speak for every gay person. So I continue.

From a very young age I knew I had an attraction to the same sex, but when you’re young, attraction isn’t at the forefront of your life by any means. So I was able to get by with zero questions asked. But then it came time in the seventh grade when the guys in my class started talking about girls and who was more attractive than the next. And this is when my differences became more apparent to me.

Even though I noticed my differences, I was in denial. I didn’t want to be different and I especially didn’t want anyone to know I was different. I felt confused and I felt lost. I think this feeling was in part due to the fact that before this point, I was never given the words to explain sexualities that weren't straight, let alone met or heard of anyone who was like me. So I pushed this feeling down because it was truly so foreign to me and to at least to the world I knew. I did hear of the word gay before. I heard other people call each other gay and call me gay. It stung each time, but I wasn’t quite sure why. Probably because when I heard it, it was always used in a context that implied it’s synonymous with being weird or maybe stupid. And whatever it meant, it was clear to me that no one wanted to be gay, but then in the following year, eighth grade, I started to realize that gay is exactly what I was.

I began to understand that "gay" had more meaning to it than I originally thought. I was meeting this word for the second time. Except this time it wasn’t in a harsh manner. It was the language I used to identify a part of myself and this language didn’t come from my Catholic school. It came from media such as TV and movies, and it came from hearing day-to-day conversation.

But then, I was surprised. We were learning about being gay in my sophomore year religion class or as it was in my textbook, “homosexuality.” Now sure, we were learning about it past the time that I personally needed to learn about other sexualities, but even so I was happy to see we were finally talking about it in school, the place where you learn. Now as if I didn’t feel ashamed for being gay before this class already, I definitely didn’t leave that day feeling any better.

I read the definition in my head: "Homosexuality: the attraction to the same sex which is unnatural and disordered. The act of homosexuality is intrinsically evil.”

I paused. I took in what I had just read. These words were strong. They were only writing on a page, but they cut deeply. I couldn’t help but see these words and feel they defined a part of who I was and how I identified. I started questioning myself immediately and I started questioning God. For as long as I could remember I was this way and it certainly wasn't a decision I made. If we truly are made in the image and likeness of God and God is good, then maybe I'm not? I and every other gay person? A part of me was unnatural, disordered and if acted on, evil? I felt unloved by God and ashamed of myself. I felt I was born to fail.

I’ve had many other experiences within my past Catholic schooling. I heard the same messages over and over again. I heard teachers, priests and bishops speak about homosexuality and gay marriage. I heard nasty words said by fellow students. Every experience had an affect on me without a doubt. However, I believe that what I have talked about above is the most important—to give students the words they need to describe a very real part of their entire person and even more so to be sure students feel accepted and loved no matter their sexuality; not discouraged and ashamed is completely essential to an education system, especially a Catholic education system.

Education is the ground on which we build our lives and schools are where our children not only learn how to count, read and write, but they also learn about the person they are through and through. It was where I would spend around eight hours of my day and there I felt like a mistake and looked down on as such. I felt I had differences and my differences weren’t anywhere near celebrated. I felt confused, lost, ashamed and saddened about a part of myself that I couldn't change even if I wanted to. I felt trapped and I felt I needed to hide. No student of any school anywhere should ever have to feel that way. And if it weren't for my loving family and close friends who I am so grateful for, I'm not quite sure where I would be today.

I want to make it clear that I am not writing so that the Catholic Church will change its teachings completely. After years of hearing that that will never happen, I wouldn’t be so naïve as to expect something so drastic. I’m writing because I fear I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. I fear that there are many students feeling just as I did. Sadly, I wouldn't be surprised if my fear were true. I'm writing so that my message can be heard and these teachings can be reevaluated, approached or worded differently, so that the next time a student who is gay in a Catholic school system is learning about their own sexuality, a message of love can be the first and most important message they hear and not a bold and forward statement about something that is so close to many people's lives.

I know full well that the audience I'm trying to reach and get through to most likely won't even click on this article. They might not even get to reading this far. But I hope that even one person does and that they have the respect and open-mind to understand where I'm coming from. I hope that they can help make a change even in the smallest way because small change, leads to big impacts and these impacts are so important to say the very least.